Once again I've not wrote in a while, been so busy with Christmas. Christmas was, okay. I think more than anything it affirmed how much my life has changed, I feel less at home in my parents house than ever these days, I'm more aware of how I don't really fit in with my family  -we're drastically different. Either way over all it was nice. Got some lovely presents, my GHDs from Jake, and my official Playboy bunny costume from Deb. Just to name a few.

Christmas Kisses :)

We had our party aswell. It was a good night though I got too drunk too quick so ended up going to bed way to early. I'd had a long day though so I don't think that helped!

Its New Years' Eve tommorow so I figured I'd write some Resolutions. I don't want to do a pure massive list because I'd never keep to all of them. Just a few, sensible, reasonable ones.

1. Work hard at uni ... achieve a 2:1 degree minimum.
2. Have better control of my emotions. Don't get stressed or upset so easy.
3. Secure a graduate scheme or job of some kind for September.
4. Make more of an effort not to waste days - minimise the amount of 'lazy' days had.
5. Get myself in shape for Thailand - I will not faint over there!!!
6. Don't be afraid to be spontaneous ... new haircut? Hair colour? Purchase? Just do it!

And with that I'm going to leave ... but see you next year :) Have a good one! x

Life’s been busy again. I’ve been working at Boots a lot more to try getting some money for Christmas. It’s... well. It’s hard to say how I like it. Its okay as jobs go I guess, I’ve had worse jobs. But it’s the time. I swear my store is some sort of time machine where time goes beyond slow. I can check the clock, then what seems like 30 mins later, look again and its only been five. The discount is nice though. Though its a bit of a chicken/egg situation. I saved money by not buying stuff like makeup unless it was necessary. Now because I get discount, I'm buying more things I normally wouldn't. So I still have no money! But oh well, least I have some lovely things.


Modelling has also been going well. I did a shoot with a good friend Viliam who’s a makeup artist. She’s outstanding. Here’s her group for anyone interested. http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/group.php?gid=103655809698510

She has the amazing ability to make you look not like yourself. She did my makeup and looking in the mirror was like looking at a stranger. But in a good way. I don’t want to sound big headed but the girl in the mirror was beautiful. Then you get the revelation that thing in the mirror IS actually you. It makes you feel good. Anyway she’s incredibly talented, and she’s also genuinely lovely, makes you feel so at ease. I would recommend her to anyone!

That shoot also inspired my Christmas present. I’ve asked Jake for the Midnight Collection GHDs. They were what created my hair for the shoot but the whole set is so cute. I love the little mirror.

I shall try update again soon shortly about Christmas goings on. :)

I know I've already posted a blog today but I'm having a greedy day. I've not long got out the shower after spending yet another house-bound, blood poisoned day sitting on the internet. Much of the day was spent looking at other peoples lives on facebook and finding myself thinking, I'd love to do that.

Then I went for my shower. I don't why it took me until I was in the shower but it did. I was sitting there thinking about all those things other people we're doing that I thought I'd love to do, when it hit me. Why aren't I doing it? There really isn't anything stopping me at all. All any of them require is a mild bit of effort on my part to organise them. Motivation I guess is the key. Admitedly I'm not the most motivated person in the world when it comes to most things but at the end of the day life is for living, not watching other people live.

Tommorow is going to be a new day for a new me, a new attitude. I might even see if I can get my hair done so there's a new me on the outside too, though we shall see.

I've been ill lately. It started with a few swollen fingers and a three blood tests later we found out it was blood poisoning. Cause unknown. As a result however I've been staying in pretty much constantly. The drugs I'm taking for it are giving me wild dreams that often mean I can't sleep. Though sometimes the dreams are very real, so much so I have a hard time distinguishing between them and reality. Those types are the worst. The days are already beginning to blend into one without the added disorientation of not knowing whats real and what isn't.

The illness has brought one positive however. There's an expression "You don't know what you had til you've lost it." This I don't actually believe because it implies you never know love until love has left. however there's a certain logic to it. I'm finding more and more the less I see of some people, the more I miss them, really truly miss them and just want to see them again so much. And the less I see of some others, without sounding too harsh, it doesn't impact on me at all. I could probably go the rest of my life without seeing them and it wouldn't really merit more than maybe a little nostalgia over good times in the past. I guess if anything its taught me how much I really need to value the ones I'm missing.

Despite everything I am happy. You can look at photos and see a physical change, but you can't always feel mentally you've grown up. But I kind of am at the moment. I'm not letting the little things get to me and I'm certainely alot better at moving on. I'm trying to take everything less seriously too. That's not to say I'm not serious about my work and stuff but I just mean, worry less.

And as ever I grow greater and greater appreciation for Jake's role in my life. He's been the one constant. I hope he always will be that constant.

Ok so more of an update on life!

First things first, I have a new job working at Boots. This is so refreshing because for once its actually steady paid work thats not in care so I don't come home physically and mentally exhausted. I also get immense discount so for once can actually afford to buy expensive makeup and beauty products. Always good!

Job-wise I also applied for the role of Miss Merseyside. In all honesty I'm not that confident. Modelling I prefer to do stationary behind a camera, catwalks are a recipe for disaster with someone like me, and I'm not into paeganty stuff at all really. But, prize money is £3000 and at this point I'm perfectly willing to stroll down a catwalk for that sort of money.

Other modelling has been going pretty good, had an amazing shoot in the flat for "Easter" in the new calendar. Really happy with how the pictures turned out for this one.

In terms of Jake things are going well for him too. He's had a few gigs that have really gone down amazingly well, we spend the rest of the evening with people coming up to him offering congratulations and telling them just how much they enjoyed it. I've sort of become the unofficial promoter for Plan 9 - my  reading week has been spent dedicated to making them a myspace, a twitter, all sorts of banners and posters. Mostly I've enjoyed doing it as well and we've had a lot of interest, I really hope things kick off properly for them.

Up from when I was young kid to, well, not that long ago to be honest, I used to let everything bother me. I liked to be liked, I didn’t like it when people said horrible or bad things about me. Not that anyone really does, but if people said stuff, it would really get to me and I’d obsess over it.


Recently however I’ve changed, I’m not sure if I just grew up ... became a realist... or maybe just got tired of trying to please everyone. Maybe it’s a bit of all three.

I know by no means I’m not perfect. What I do know is that I’m a good person. I might not get thing right all the time but I still try my best to do things with good intentions. I might not be good looking but I have the love of an amazing guy so I don’t care how I look. As long as I’m beautiful to him. I might be “too skinny” but I eat well and quite frankly there’s nothing I can do about my weight. It’s becoming clearer to me the people who try and make me feel bad are not good people. In fact there horrible people who must feel so insecure about their own perfections they have to highlight other peoples to make themselves feel better. They have to try and cause trouble just to get kicks. There the people not worth knowing, and the people I shouldn’t waste any time or effort over.

One thing I can pride myself in however, is loyalty. I will always stand up, protect, and care for the people who are important to me. Perhaps that what it was that made me realise, I don’t care anymore what gets said or done to me, but about the people I love. As long as their safe, as long as I can protect them, then I’m happy.

And to be honest with you, I am happy. Life’s by no means perfect, I don’t have much money, I’m still clueless about what I want to do with my life in the future, and people do say shit about me. But then saying that; I also have an amazing boyfriend, and a select few friends who I really can trust to be there for me. I have a good routine in life. I’m fairly intelligent with quite a bit of potential for the future. I have my family, my health, things to look forward to.

And on that note, an early night is in order. I’ll write again soon about things actually going on in my life, it’s been a busy few weeks with new jobs, nights out and lots to write about :)

Alice came to a fork in the road. "Which road do I take?" she asked.



"Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat.


"I don't know," Alice answered.


"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."



This could not be truer of my life right now. It’s about the time I need to start making decisions about my future; there’s several paths in front of me. I just don’t know which one I want to take.

The majority of the options are career based. Mostly; I’m unsure of my Masters, do I stay at JMU and continue on as I am. Do I move to Roehampton College for it? But then, aside from worrying about money with that aspect I also have to worry about not being in Liverpool anymore. It would mean leaving the one constant that’s been there throughout my while university life.

Then there’s the option of joining the NHS, having them fund my Masters while I work for them. It’s probably the most sensible option but there’s 350 people to every place they offer. So I can’t rely on that definitely happening.

I think one of the biggest things is; I’m frustrated with being a student. I feel so much time is wasted when I could be out; earning money or you know, getting on with life. I want more from life, I want a house with a garden. I want my car back. I feel like as a person I’ve grown up; and I need the lifestyle that goes with it. Course, all these things cost money as well and if I’m paying out £3000 a year just to be taught 8 hours a week then I can’t save up for a house and a car and a real future.

But then, Jake doesn’t know what he’s doing next year. He’s said there’s a chance he might leave. In which case I can’t really work on building a real future because he kind of is my future. How do you build something without the main component?

I just wish there was an easier way to make this decision, a lottery win might do it. That way I could afford to build a future and keep studying. But being reasonable I think 90% of the population spend their life waiting to win the lottery so things can happen for them. If you really want something you have to work hard for it. That’s what I’m going to have to do, I just don’t know where to work at.

HELP FOR HEROES CHARITY CALENDER

Little background first, I decided it would be good to make a calender for 2011 in aid of Help The Heroes. First I spoke to a few friends with various "industry skills". A photographer, Ruth Johnson and a makeup artist, Viliam Capolupo. Both agreed they'd be interested and were happy to work without payment. Then I set about asking friends if they were interested in modelling. People were interested quick and before I knew it I had a full set of girls.

After a few meetings and various discussions we settled on themes and the first shoot was decided upon.

FIRST SHOOT - ARMY PIN-UPS - 26/9/10

We met at 4pm in the Ferndale Lodge. The Ferndale's Function Room had been settled on for a location. Viliam impressed us all massively just by unpacking her bags. We were all in awe of the sheer range of makeup.

Hair and makeup was a reasonably slow process so while the girls got ready, Ruth set up the equipment.

Some of the girls got individual shots while others got ready; or smaller groups. Somehow the place had gone from being a private shoot to a function as boyfriends and friends of everyone wandered in but it made for all the more fun. The boys proved a massive help not only in setting up equipment but adding their own 'artistic direction' to the girls. The shoots audience quickly grew.

Once all the girls were finished with makeup, hair and costumes we got to work talking a group shop for the main cover of the calender. By this point we'd already taken hundreds of individual and smaller group shots. Everyone was enjoying being infront of the camera; the boys enjoyed being behind it.

A finished group shot.

Overall the night was a great success and I think everyone enjoyed themselves. We got a nice set of pictures; and the much needed cover picture. Now it's just a case of getting the rest of the shoots done before our deadline - wish us luck!

Well it’s been just over a month since we moved in to the new flat now. Seems like longer if I’m honest. But either way, I’m happy. It’s definitely become home. The best part of it is, so many people said moving in with Jake would be a mistake. Not in a nasty way, just the general I guess you’re supposed to argue more and stuff. But they were wrong and I’m so glad. I love living with him, I love knowing I get to see him everyday – that he’ll be there when I wake up in the morning, and close my eyes at night. I even think we’re managing quite well with the baby. And we have a good routine, admittedly I’m a bit of a housewife, he goes to work; I clean, ready his lunch, do some work... but I’m content so it’s all good.


Everything else is going reasonably well. I’m happy with the Calender progress, probably do a separate blog about that. My photographer for the Dawsons shoot has been in touch too, the magazines being released next month so I’m looking forward to that I guess. I’ve applied to a new agency Good Vibrations in Liverpool so that can definitely be added to my portfolio; along with the calendar and all my old stuff.


This is only the Draft Thumbnail but looks quite cool. Can't wait til it comes out.

 
And that's everything really. Uni starts up officially tommorow and I'm actually really looking forward to it. I've been a massive nerd and started my dissertation already; and I can't wait to start Counselling since its what I wanna do in life. And as excited I am for Thailand, just hope it doesn't get in the way of this year!

So we’ve been in the flat 3 weeks now, and I can safely say I love it. The first two weeks we didn’t have internet, which proved difficult. Sounds odd saying you can’t live without internet but it really has become quite vital to life. Even little things you wouldn’t have given a second thought to being able to do. And it also seemed in the two weeks of not having it, break-ups were rife. I think the final count of people on Facebook was nine. Most well-established couples dating for a year or more so that was a bit of a surprise.


Over the three weeks though I have also become aware of, well. I don’t know how to describe it really. Friends I had, whom I really cared about and assumed the same to them of me, have been going behind my back. The reality initially stung and I felt quite low after it, but then I thought it through. It was sad yes, but I don’t really need people like that in my life. People who try to bring me down when I’m otherwise happy for no apparent reason. People who betray me when I’ve been nothing but loyal to them. So I’m putting this out there... yes I’m not a perfect person. I acknowledge this and trust me, there are some things I’d love to change about myself. That being said however, I know I am a good friend. I’m there for people, I go out of my way to help them, I listen and I truly do care. So , if you want to be picky about my imperfections that go ahead ... but in all honesty – being so twofaced is far worse than anything I might have done. And ultimately, with or without them. I’m happy.

And ending on a happier note. This Friday is mine and Jake’s anniversary. Two years. In all honesty in seems like more. Three at least. I spent some of the earlier pre-internet days in the flat just reading chat logs. From the days before we were even together. They make me laugh, he used to be such a charmer, cheesy even but it still wooed me. And it makes me think, back then I had no idea that he would be anything more than a flirtatious friend, occasional kisses over copious amounts of alcohol. I had no idea he’d become my pillar of support in life, that I’d rely on him so heavily like oxygen. That I would fall utterly head over heels in love with him. But; I guess that’s life.

Time to take another look at my list and see what I've done. I'm quite happy so far.

1. Find a new flat for 2010/2011 year.

So we finally sorted a flat out for next year and I LOVE it. It's such a nice place in a perfect location, I couldn't be happier. Here's a few pics, obviously haven't furnished it properly yet so everythings a bit bare but you get the idea!

Living Room

Bedroom (needs work I know)

Kitchen

2. Pass all my exams this year with a 2.1 or higher.

Amazingly by some incredible twist of fate, my overall mark this year was 71 which means I got a 1st. Its really motivated me to do well next year as well; I've already started my dissertation and I can't wait to start the Counselling Psychology module.

4. Go on holiday somewhere new.
When Jake and me started going out, he went to Thailand within the first few weeks. It sucked royally. When he came back he told me about how it was the best place in the world. So we've booked to go, 28th March to 9th April, away for my 21st. I'm so excited, it's going to be absolutly amazing.

Last year one of my models was Differential Psychology which looked at emotions and personality. There's this test called the Big 5 which looks at five personality traits considered to be key. Anyway the BBC has been doing some big experiment on this; if your interested I'd say check it out for yourselves because it's actually stuff worth knowing. http://www.bbc.co.uk/labuk/experiments/
Figured I'd share my results since most people know me well enough to tell me what I'm like anyway:

Ok  so my neuroticism score is like off the chart which isn't fantastic but I guess I am a bit of a nutter who worries pretty much constantly about anything, gets easily stressed and well, is incredibly emotional. Again I guess this could be construed as good or bad because neoutic people are usually always clean and get things done right. Its a nasty way of saying I'm a perfectionist ha!

The rest are pretty even, low extrovert but everyone knows I'm shy; surprised Agreeableness isn't higher really but lately suppose I haven't been agreeable as usual which I blame on my neuroticism.

And it also said this:

Your results showed that your goals are predominantly to do with your relationships; you value harmonious  relationships. Research has uncovered relationships between personality and life goals. It suggests that people with high Openness scores tend to pursue aesthetic goals, while people with high Extroversion scores tend to pursue hedonistic goals. You crave affection and the love of the people around you and are highly motivated to maintain these.

This couldn't be truer either. I massively crave affection; I love the company of another person. Not a group so much, I'm not a big group person. But just one other person so attention is undivided. I think this fuels my being a hopeless romantic as well; but I suppose at least, there's a lot worse things I could be motivated to maintain, loves the best addiction going.

So lots has happened since my last update. Results are in and I passed everything so I'm happy about that. I've started getting really into my dissertation topic aswell, sleep is actually so interesting so I'm glad I'm taking a module on it next year. Its also sparked my wish to definetly go about learning hypnosis as an alternative therapy. Though I'm trying to find a place that does that that does not involve spending a year in London because 1. I don't want to leave Jake. 2. I don't want to leave Liverpool in general. 3. London is expensive as!

This weekend was the Liverpool Tattoo Convention, which has got me so wanting another piece of ink. I've decided its definetly going to be a swallow but design wise I can't decide which ones I like! I can't choose between like a more simple outline or the traditional old school one. Hmmm!!

The convention itself was really good though, Jake ended up getting more of his arm done by his regular artist. She's such a nice down-to-Earth person think I'll end up going to her myself to be honest!

Then today I finally had my Rock Chic shoot. This had been delayed over and over for stupid reasons so I was beginning to think the whole thing was cursed. But no it ended up being really good, mad hair and makeup for it. It was the first shoot I've ever been too where they had music playing too so that was fun. Hopefully will be getting the pics soon so watch this space for them :)

A few blog posts back I wrote a list of things to achieve. This is just gonna look back on them now and see how far I've gotten in actually accomplishing any of it.



3. Get a new job I actually enjoy.

Ok its not the most steady job in the world but I managed to get a modelling gig. Its working for a promotional thing called "Rock Chic" aimed at encouraging more girls to play guitars. The woman organising it is, older admittedly but really fun and cool and young at spirit so I get along well with her. I haven't done a shoot yet but I think its something I'm going to enjoy doing. As an added bonus I think Jake will like it too.

5. Decorate a room.

Even though I intend to move out in a couple of months, I'm very bored of my bedroom at home. Its become less of a home for me and more of well, I suppose it looks like an attic. A random assortment of posessions strewn all over the place. I think I need to clear out a lot of my stuff, much of it I don't know why I keep because its junk. And many of it holds bad memories. Well, I suppose good memories; just of people I no longer speak to. Anyway .... a cream room with one bold red wall behind the bed I think will be more modern, and older.
7. Organise my wardrobe/drawers.

This was one of the first things I did when I came home from university. Emptied my wardrobe and drawers onto the bed and just looked at all the clothes there. There was literally hundreds. I kept most of my dresses, just because I have a particular fondness for pretty much all of them. I was more ruthless with the rest though, there were tops in there I've been wearing since I was 14. They went. Things that were gorgeous that didn't fit anymore, things that did fit but I never really wear. I emptied them out, and the space it made is refreshing!!
11. Try a food I’ve never had before.
This is actually quite a hard challenge given that I'll pretty much try anything once. I'd had squid, frogs, deer, allsorts of meats, organs, seafood, fruits. So anyway I tried some dragonfruit for the first time. It was alright tbh, not amazing but not horrible.

12. Try a cocktail I’ve never had before.
I ended up in Djangoes Riff a few weeks ago. Contrary to most peoples opinions, I don't like Django's. Its not my sort of music. Its expensive. And I've had one to many experiences of accidently ordering a cocktail containing milk and ending up spewing it out my nose. However, I ordered a 'Hello Sailor' and actually enjoyed it so I suppose my experience has improved somewhat. I do intend to go to Wetherspoons soon though and try a Cherry Orchard; apple and cherry sourz with lemonade and something else... sounds nice!!


15. Start writing letters to the friends and family I never see.
Not quite writing; but I have started regularly emailing and Skyping family over in Ireland, Spain and Australia. In the emails I try and include pictures too, since the last time some of my family saw me I was much younger.
22. Get in touch with someone you used to be close to but who’s become a stranger.
Facebook is the king of doing this. As well as using it to speak to my actual current friends, I try make a point of writing on old friends walls, seeing what they're up to and making a point of letting them know when I'm going out so if they're out we can meet up. I think looking at some other people its kind of sad what happens, people who you once used to hug goodbye everyday at school, but now if you walked past them on the street you wouldn't even acknowledge them. I guess in some ways its human nature but it is still upsetting.
28. Every week put £2 in a pot. Don’t spend the money until there’s something I really want.
Ok so I've only started doing this more recently but it's getting there. I think I either want a DSLR camera; or a keyboard. Practically I think a camera would be better, takes up less space and I'd probably get more use out of it, but I'll wait til I've actually collected a fair amount before deciding, and you never know by then I might want something else anyway!


35. Throw Jake an amazing 21st, make sure he has a great night.
Jake's 21st was a good night, and as far as I'm aware he did enjoy it. He was very drunk (and very hungover the next day) ... but all his friends and family came, and he seemed to have a good night.

And how come it's so hard?

It's not always easy,
And sometimes life can be deceiving,
I'll tell you one thing, it’s always better when we're together.


Have you ever noticed how human’s strive for perfection? It’s pretty much the main goal in life to achieve perfection in all aspects. But is this really a sensible goal? I can’t really judge too much because I guess up until recently this was my ambition too. Perfection.

Thinking about it though. There’s no such thing. Even the world’s greatest lovers have tiffs. The most implacably behaved children have tantrums. The sun isn’t always shining. Infinite amounts money can’t buy everything. The cleverest man in the world still gets the answers wrong sometimes.

Perfection doesn’t exist. And honestly, thinking about it. If it did, it would be the most boring, monotonous thing ever. Anyone who disagrees with me by the way, either thinks it’s worth striving for, or think maybe you’ve achieved perfection; feel free to comment. I’m pretty curious.

The best I can hope for is happiness most of the time, but knowing it’s ok for things to go wrong sometimes. In fact sometimes its better when they do. Couples come out stronger when they get through a fight. Tantrum children learn to be extrovert. The rain helps the grass grow greener.... and getting the answer wrong means you can learn your mistake, and rectify it next time.

I guess thinking about it, as perfection goes, my life isn’t too bad. Sure I have my fair share of problems, virtually no money whatsoever. I get more than the occasional answer wrong. And unfortunately in England its nearly always raining. But in terms of people, I have some truly great ones around me, friends who mean the world to me, and a boy who I truly hope is the one I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life with ... whether we have the occasional spat or not.

I'm having a hair dilemna. I hate my hair at the moment. The colour bores me. The style irritates me. Its just.. blah. So, I'm trying to figure out what I want to do to it. Part of me is contemplating a really short cut but then I'm quite a wuss and I'm scared a) I won't like it b) I'll look like a man. Plus I'm quiet girly, I wear dresses alot and I dont think it'll suit the hair.

Saying that long hair irritates me too, it takes ages to dry, ages to style. So, I'm taking it out of my hands and leaving it to you people.

Styles A & B .... the short hair.

Style C ... medium length, still fairly short but not quite as much

Or just grow it nice and long, but grow my fringe out too? Sort of, Cheryl Cole -esque, because I'll be keeping the dark brown colour whatever style I end up choosing.

Ok, apologies, again. I'm a terrible blogger who doesn't keep up to date with anything. Sorry sorry sorry.

However, ok I have officially finished second year of university (eep) and don't have a job at the moment so should be free to keep this as regular as I can.

So yeah like I said, second year is over and done with. Scary stuff it seems to have flown by. I guess its good exams and stuff are out the way but I'm kind of bummed out. After Christmas we all said, 2010 was just gonna be the best year, we'd go out, do loads of stuff. And times gone so fast that we just have hardly done anything!!!

Now this week everyone's leaving and it's got me feeling so sad that a) we won't be living together next year b) Summer back at home is going to be long and drive me insane. c) It's all just gone so fast.

On the bright side we did get to go to Alton Towers yesterday which was so much fun!!! Because its still term -time and was a Monday, the park was absent of annoying children and so queues weren't too long which meant we got a chance to go on every main ride. The new ride Thirteen is class, starts as a normal rollercoaster and then you drive into a building. The coaster stops and you assume its going to restart to go through the doors infront, next thing you know its pitch black and your dropping down. As you land the cart suddenly pulls you backwards and your clinging on for dear life rushing backwards down a helix in the dark, screaming your head off til you come back out into the open daylight and the cart freezes again. There you are, outside the starting point. Highlight of the ride had to be turning around in my cart and seeing flatmate Conor behind me, pale white, shivering, and when he saw me look, meekly mumuring "I've just pooed."  So funny.

So, next on my list of things to do this summer :

• Get a job
• Find a flat
• Get re-insured on the car

I had a job interview today already, Rock Chic, a modelling gig basically promoting girls to play guitar. Even if I do get it though it won't be a secure regular thing so I'll need to find something else to do. Hopefully some sort of care worker so I can get more Psychology experience!!

Anyway, I'll leave it at that for now. Updates soon.

I know I promised more recent updates but damn, life is kicking my ass at the moment. Its funny because with Jake's newish job, I feel like I do have a lot more time to myself. Well, we definetly seem to spend less time together and yeah I miss it and I miss him not being there all the time but I guess it's accepting that that's very much the real world.

But yeah, all this time to myself you'd think I could be doing everything I want. That everything I need to do would be done and sorted like that. But it seems the opposite at the moment. Exams are looming and I haven't picked up a textbook to revise because I've been too busy rushing to finish coursework before deadlines. I keep panicking about all the stuff approaching in the future that I don't even seem to focus on the present.

My 20th birthday has been and gone and generally I did enjoy the easter holidays, had some good nights out with girlfriends and Jake and his family and stuff. I know it sounds stupid but I do feel older being 20. Stepping out of the teenage years really has hit me how much I've actually grown up. It won't even be that long before uni is finished, second years already pretty much out the way bar a few exams.

But yeah I don't want this blog to be all moaning. I do feel a bit free-er lately as well. Like generally happier inside. I'm not saying everythings perfect. No, I wish I had less work, or else more time to do it. I wish I had more money. I wish Jake could earn money and still spend the day with me. I wish I didn't suffer backache like an old woman and could steal deal with a hangover after a night out. But then, I'm still happy. I'm content with life and there's a lot of positives, lots to look forward to. I'm young. I'm two-thirds of the way to a degree. I have a great boyfriend and lovely friends around me.

So yeah, I can't promise when I'll next update with all the hectiness around me but I shall do my best to make it soonish. And I'll try get pics up too!

Ok so I'm so behind with keeping this blog up to date it's unreal!!

First of all, Jake's 21st has been and gone. The Saturday was a brilliant night and Jake seemed to really enjoy himself too which was most important. His cousin Lindsey came down from Cambridge with her new baby Noah, he was such an adorably cute baby and he made me feel slightly better in terms of chances of being a good mother because amazingly I didn't drop him!!

After that things have been reasonanly quiet. University has now finished for good except for exams, I got the timetable today and it's put the fear of God in me. I never understand why they seem to group the same subjects together so that your exams run consecutively. They all take place over the space of a month and a half so they could quite easily be spread out allowing sufficient revision time and your brain not to get scrambled, but instead I'm stuck with three in a row and then after 3 days, another 3 in a row. Meh! :(
It's this point in the year I kick myself wishing attendance had been better.

Although I'm not 20 yet, my flatmate Paul and I decided to celebrate our birthday early given everyone was going home for Easter. We had a fancy dress party in the flat followed by a night out in the Krazyhouse. It was a good night, but not the best probably because there wasn't very many of my actual close friends there. It was primarily Paul's friends. Nevertheless I had a good time.

So now its the Easter holidays and I'm attempting to plan out revision alongside my birthday, general social life and job hunting for when I'm done with exams. I sort of have a job lined up ready with Jake's cousins girlfriend BUT I'm really craving modelling again. I know that sounds odd but I just really feel like someone doing my hair and makeup and banging me in some gorgeous outfit. Hopefully I can find something!

I'll try add pictures asap and update this more often too!

Secrets

I've spent the majority of the morning being lazy, sitting at my computer and reading PostSecrets.

What's that you ask? Well its a website and a series of books of postcards people have wrote confessing their secrets. Have you seen the "Dirty Little Secret" video by AllAmericanRejects? That's full of them.

PostSecret - this is the site they're at if your interested.

Anyway I've been reading the site and there's something about it that makes you feel good about yourself. Not in a ... "haha look at you freaks way"... for me its more, "I guess I'm not the only one who feels so insecure". Its amazing how many of the secrets I've read and my hearts skipped because either now, or at one point in my life, its something I've felt.

Anyway the point I've realised is you should try and remember you don't really know anything about the people around you, even your closest friends. You don't know how their really feeling deep down or what they're having to deal with. Only about three people know my biggest secret and even then I only really wanted one person to know it just got out. I wouldn't tell anyone else.

But weirdly enough, I think I'd like to put it on PostSecret, theres something ... relieving about anomously confessing. If you do go on, see if you can guess which one is mine. ;)

March 1st - Rabbits!

March has rolled around fast. I would say 'too' fast but I have been really excited about March so I guess I can't really complain. I just feel like, I had so much to do before it came round, and I've got nothing done. In less than two weeks its Jake's 21st. Two weeks after that I'm 20. And two weeks after that. I'll no longer be a second year student. I'll be on my way to third year. That's kind of horrible too. Third year. My final year at university, when it seems like yesterday I was only just starting. Same goes for everything though. It doesn't seem that long ago I walked into the Ferndale and laid eyes on an eighteen year old boy, and now he's twenty one. It doesn't seem that long ago we were just starting, the constant texting, the sneaking kisses and first I love you's. Now we're planning to live together. I guess it makes me happy in some respects but its still scary how quick its all gone.

It won't be long before I graduate really. That makes me feel giddy. For more reason than one :)

Anyway I'm rambling about nothing now, so an actual blog topic. I've decided to go with cheating because its something that's been in the media a lot lately. Primarily Cheryl Cole being the main story but other minor celebrities too. Cheating's something I'm passionate about. (not in a good way.) To me, it should be a punishable offence. And I don't just mean getting a slap from your girlfriend/boyfriend sort of punishment. I'd rather shoplift than cheat. Because at least with stealing, no one really gets hurt. Not on the same scale as the devastation and humilation of the person you love betraying you. Not to mention, love, is something that should make you happy, should drive you to devote yourself to that one person in your life. If you cheat, chances are you either never where in love, or have fallen out of it. That's why I don't think I'd be capable of cheating, I couldn't hurt someone I love that bad. I wouldn't have the heart.

It must be worse for Cheryl Cole though. Because its not something she can keep under wraps. Everybody knows about her humiliation. And everyones encouraging her to break up with her husband, if she chooses not too, she'll probably be branded a fool. In my opinion she should break up with him, because hes turned around and said he's not really done anything wrong. And that's what gets me.

There's two type of people in this world. Good people who do bad things, and bad people. I have a knack for being able to tell which one a person is. The good people are the people who do make mistakes, they're not perfect and they slip up, but they admit it. They know they're wrong and they'll either try to make it right or make up for it. Bad people do wrong and then regard their behaviour as acceptable. Their the sort of people who go out with the intention of cheating, rather then getting too drunk and messing up. There the sort of people who brag about what they've done to their friends and would only apologise to their partner if they got found out; and usually their forgiven and go out and do the same because they can get away with it.

I used to know quite a few bad people but it became increasingly obvious they don't make good friends. They're selfish, two-faced and stubborn. So I've decided to make a point of avoiding them. I'm not saying the people in my life are perfect. But like me, their good people. They might be a bad friend one day, but they'll apologise. They might mess up. But they'll make it right. They'll feel the guilt that comes with doing wrong. And the shame. And that, will be the deterent so they don't make the same mistakes over.

Lets just hope I'm as good at telling the difference as I think I am!

The List

Right so it’s just come to my attention that I only have four weeks of lectures before my second year at university is over. I haven’t worked out quite how this happened, it seems like yesterday I was starting at a fresher, and now I’m nearly two thirds of the way through. Before I know it I’ll be graduating!


Anyway, three and a bit months of summer is gonna be upon me soon and I think rather than spending it working and wasting away the days, I want to accomplish things. Hence, “The List”. This is gonna be a list of 35 things I want to accomplish in 2010, kind of like resolutions, more a “to do” list. Hopefully trying to complete the list will help me conquer my boredom. I’ll keep referring back to it in future blogs as well as coming back to this one to tick of the ones I’ve achieved.

1. Find a new flat for 2010/2011 year.

2. Pass all my exams this year with a 2.1 or higher.

3. Get a new job I actually enjoy.

4. Go on holiday somewhere new.

5. Decorate a room.

6. Sort out my music on my i-pod.

7. Organise my wardrobe/drawers.

8. Complete the Final Fantasy Games VII – XII again (0/6)

9. Eat at a real sushi bar.

10. Eat at a Teppanyaki restaurant.

11. Try a food I’ve never had before.

12. Try a cocktail I’ve never had before.

13. Have a BBQ on the beach.

14. Try and go on a proper date with Jake at least once a month.

15. Start writing letters to the friends and family I never see.

16. Start my own recipe book.

17. Go out and take random pictures around Liverpool.

18. Get re-insured on the car and drive somewhere across the country.

19. Learn a complete dance with all the steps. (Riverside doesn’t count.)

20. Experiment with hair and makeup more often.

21. Get a new tattoo/piercing.

22. Get in touch with someone you used to be close to but who’s become a stranger.

23. Go to a gig where I know all the words.

24. Finish my novel.

25. Keep my diary up to date.

26. Get my eyebrows threaded.

27. Have sex in a public place.

28. Every week put £2 in a pot. Don’t spend the money until there’s something I really want.

29. Keep my room and bathroom tidy.

30. Say yes as much as possible.

31. Stay out all night.

32. Have a pamper day at least once a month.

33. Do something romantic once a week.

34. Go camping.

35. Throw Jake an amazing 21st, make sure he has a great night.

The Flat

So I’ve been looking for a place to live next year. It’s a lot harder than I thought it would be! I wouldn’t say I was particularly a picky person, truth be told as long as it was within walking distance of town and university and had a double bed, I was content. I’m not fussed over having a bath or a garden, anything like that.


I think I’ve found the perfect place though. It’s a little pricier than I’d hoped for, though saying that it’s very luxurious for the price so I can’t complain. A studio apartment; double bed, less than 5 minutes walk from uni. A balcony, with a kick ass view. And plenty of space for people to stay over after nights out. It’s nice and light too, with big panelled windows down the whole front of the living room. A nice place to work.

So, if all goes to plan, this will be my home next year.

Isn't it pretty :)

My most recent life’s philosophy is that everything happens for a reason. I didn’t used to think that way, I used to think life was a bitch and I was a particularly unlucky individual who suffered the brunt of it.


Then you hear stories. I heard one about a girl, she lived on a remote island in the Pacific somewhere, population 53 or something ridiculously small. She was out surfing one day with her friends as she often did, lying on her surfboard, using her arms hanging over the side to paddle, a shark suddenly came and bit her arm off. Her friends rushed her back to land; bleeding profusely she passed out in their arms assuming she would die. And she would have done. Such a small island lacked medical supplies to save her and different even have a surgeon. Except that on that day, the girl’s father had been scheduled to get knee surgery. A surgeon had flown out from the mainland, as well as supplies of blood, matched to the father’s blood type, and his daughters. She came in, took his place on the table and survived. Without a surgeon and the replacement blood, the exact type she would need, she would have died. Is this all just one massive coincidence? Or did everything happen for a reason.

I try and think about my life this way too. I met Jake nearly three years ago because we had mutual friends. Now if I hadn’t been friends with that group of girls, I would never have been introduced to Jake and his friends. However, Jake’s friend Karl lived in my block of flats last year. I hung out with his flatmates on quite a regular basis so I would have got to know Karl that way. Then no doubt at his birthday or even just on a night when he invited his friends down, I would have met Jake. People don’t just come into our lives out of sheer random coincidence. We meet the people we meet, and if doesn’t happen one way, it’ll happen another.

Have you ever made a new friend, then looked on their facebook or something and found out you’ve got mutual friends? Ever invited a random friend to a party only to find he/she knows someone else there.

Its things like that that make me believe life doesn’t just happen, things are meant to happen. I’m not saying we have no control because we do. I chose to be friends with that group of people. Had I not chose that, I wouldn’t have met Jake til later. No matter what road you take though, if something’s meant to happen then I think you’ll meet it on both paths, at some point or another.

Start a brand new story...

Okay I've decided to make a new blog since I was reading my old one and I only right about the bad things. Its a pure diary of depression. I don't want that to be my life; I don't want people to think that's my life. So.. new blog, fresh start - happy things.

Most reading this are probably going to find this first blog boring cus its going to be about me and well if you care enough to read my blog, you probably already know about me but then sometimes you find your friends suddenly spring things on you; "You've been dating who? You're working there? When did this happen?" Then you wonder how you've missed this information but you don't want to ask your friend for clarification and seem like a shit friend because you should already know - right? We've all been there so I'm saving you all the trouble by telling you this now :)

This is one of the most recent pics of me. I like to dye my hair frequently, I've been everything from bleach blonde, jet black, pillar box red. But I'm sticking with brown for a while ... adding the occasional streak here and there, because you know, I can't be too boring.

I may decide to cut it short soon. At first I thought I wouldn't have the balls - what if I chop it off and I hate it? But then I figured, its hair, it grows back. There's no use regretting something that will fix itself.

NAME
Sally Elizabeth Genevieve Davies. Ok no-one in their right mind calls me by my full name, its mostly just Sally or Sal. I used to hate Sal but its actually grown on me now, I like being called it without having to ask though. If people close to me call me Sal I guess its a sign of affection from them, they feel comfortable with it - and that makes me happy.

AGE
19, nearly 20. I'm quite looking forward to being 20, it'll be scary to leave the teens but at the same time theres something so adult about 20. I guess its kind of empowering.

LOCATION
Born and raised in Liverpool, England. I lived with my parents up til the age of 18 in Crosby and have since moved out into my own flat; student accomadation called Atlantic Point in Liverpool City Centre. Though next year I'm looking to get my own studio apartment somewhere in the city centre, we'll see how it goes.

OCCUPATION
As you might have guessed from the accomadation, I am first and foremost a student. I'm studying for a BSc (Hons) Degree in Psychology and Biology. I don't have a job at the moment I earn most of my money selling bits and pieces on ebay. Occasionally I do the odd bit of modelling if times are desperate. The past summer I worked for BUPA as a Carer to people with mental illnesses. It was incredibly demanding, both physically and emotionally, but I also enjoyed it. Especially if patients improved. There's a massive sense of satisfaction if you can come home from work and know you've made a difference in someones life. It also helped to reaffirm that being a Counselling Psychologist is what I want to do when I leave uni.


PARTNER
Mr Jake McCreith. We've been going out nearly two years now, sometimes I still have to fight to actually believe it. Our story was by no means a love at first site. We met, we were friends, we kissed a few times, we fell out, we were enemies, then summer 2008 we came together again and it just seemed right. He's not just the man I love, he's my best friend. I go to him for everything, to make me laugh, to wipe away the tears.
I love spending time with him, whether its curled up on the couch watching a movie or just lying in bed. He's the only person I can be completely myself with. We've been through so much together in the past that I don't think the future can bring anything we can't conquer.

I love him :)

KIDS
None. I do want them someday but right now I enjoy socialising too much.

FAMILY
Well two parents, still together. My dad's a photographer, my mum's a midwife. She's from Dublin so that's were the majority of my family still are; my family's not massive though really anyway, whether here in Liverpool or over in Dublin. I have one brother Tim, he's three years older and graduated last year and is now working for Rolls Royce. It makes me feel old knowing he's not a student anymore. Makes me feel older knowing in a year and a half, neither am I.


PETS


Jake and I have two bunnies together. It kind of started with him nicknaming me Bunny, early on in the relationship I'd get cuddly toy bunnies, chocolate bunnies... then one day I got two real fluffy bunnies. Simba and Storm. Simba's the big white fluffy one and Storm's the little grey one.


FRIENDS
Well as I mentioned, I consider Jake my best friend. I don't think you can be that close to someone and not call them your best friend really. On top of him though there's plenty more.

Katie would probably be my best friend next to Jake, we've been friends since day one of reception when we both had the same lunchbox, The Lion King ones (hers was blue, mine was orange). We went to different high schools and different universities so we're not as close as we used to be but nevertheless I still consider her as a best friend and I think its a testament to our friendship that we can remain such close friends without hardly seeing each other.

Then there's my flatmates; Paul, Charlotte and Conor. They're pretty much the ideal flatmates and we get on really well. In a way we're all quite different but then at the same time click on so many levels. Times can be hysterical whether were out or just goofing around in the flat. We haven't even really known each other that long but I'm so glad I got to know them because I really love them they're such good friends. To consider them so highly in such a short space of time has to say something.

Then coursemates. Being a small course; there's only 18 of us, we all get on with each other. I'm closer to some more than others of course; Kim, Christina, Saira, Lee (sorry if I've missed anyone) but its good, we all share the same lack of enthusiasm for most of the topics so spend the lecture chatting about irrelvant things or, my personal favourite alternative, down in the pub.

People from Crosby, well in terms of high school friends its only really a very small handful I still speak to, Liz, Luce and Joe. That's it really. And even then we don't see each other half as much as I'd like. I fell out with everyone else I was close to in high school, but I've long since moved on and it didn't take me long to realise I was better without them. Mostly I hang out with Jake's friends and their respective girlfriends when I'm not at uni, most of them are really nice anyway and we all get on.

ABOUT ME
I don't know how to describe myself. I'm not a girly girl who worships all things pink, but I'm not a tomboy either. I think I'm a nice balance. I love dresses, I'm actually a little addicted my wardrobe is full of dresses, mainly from Jane Norman. I love shoes too, and shopping, and chick flicks. But then I also love action films and computer games and in reality I'm a massive geek.

Personality wise I'd say I am a nice person, I go out of my way to help people whether they're my best friend or someone I only just met. I'm quite shy and really only open up once you get to know me though. I don't like confrontation so try to be agreeable but that's not to say I don't stand up for myself or things I really believe in. I hate injustice. I'm also, unfortunately, a worrier. If it can be worried about it will be worried about. I'm trying to work on this problem since it'll probably leave me with massively high blood pressure. Oh and on that topic, I'm unlucky with health. I break... easily. Don't tell me to drink milk, I do. I could drain a whole farm of cows and I'd still snap doing something retarded. Just wrap me up in bubble wrap :)




.... and for now that's it. I shall try to update this as frequently as possible. Thanks for reading.