I've been ill lately. It started with a few swollen fingers and a three blood tests later we found out it was blood poisoning. Cause unknown. As a result however I've been staying in pretty much constantly. The drugs I'm taking for it are giving me wild dreams that often mean I can't sleep. Though sometimes the dreams are very real, so much so I have a hard time distinguishing between them and reality. Those types are the worst. The days are already beginning to blend into one without the added disorientation of not knowing whats real and what isn't.
The illness has brought one positive however. There's an expression "You don't know what you had til you've lost it." This I don't actually believe because it implies you never know love until love has left. however there's a certain logic to it. I'm finding more and more the less I see of some people, the more I miss them, really truly miss them and just want to see them again so much. And the less I see of some others, without sounding too harsh, it doesn't impact on me at all. I could probably go the rest of my life without seeing them and it wouldn't really merit more than maybe a little nostalgia over good times in the past. I guess if anything its taught me how much I really need to value the ones I'm missing.
Despite everything I am happy. You can look at photos and see a physical change, but you can't always feel mentally you've grown up. But I kind of am at the moment. I'm not letting the little things get to me and I'm certainely alot better at moving on. I'm trying to take everything less seriously too. That's not to say I'm not serious about my work and stuff but I just mean, worry less.
And as ever I grow greater and greater appreciation for Jake's role in my life. He's been the one constant. I hope he always will be that constant.
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