I’m blogging simply because I feel guilty not doing ‘actual work’ right now so at least writing is more productive than randomly browsing on Facebook... kinda. So life.... actually life right now is amazing. It’s seems odd to say normally my writing is littered with drama and general whiny shit... vagina waffle as seems to be the term my readers are familiar with. But no, for once things are going along smoothly. Literally like a jigsaw, all the pieces are fitting together and its just relief.... the people, the things, everything, I'm like aaaaahhhh :)


Our new flatmate moved in this week and it’s so nice. Just living with an adult ... it’s, refreshing. It’s weird though actually sitting down and talking about each other’s pasts, the amount of mutual friends of just things in common from the past, it’s like everything is interlaced. I’m quite a big believer in signs. I don’t mean in a sort of paranoid, every single thing that happens is a massive sign, but just more like big coincidences aren’t really coincidence, everything happens for a reason – and I have a feeling things will work out wonderfully from here.

Yesterday was Jake’s birthday. Once again it proved my theory of plans. I had planned to make perfect little cupcakes for the occasion but due to disaster in the kitchen they failed and turned out, not great. The card I ordered never came in the post despite being ordered days and days earlier, and then we couldn’t get his present in town because credit systems are retarded, so he was massively bummed out. And the final icing on the birthday cake of fail the announcement some people Jake didn’t want to see, and I realllyyy didn’t want to see, had invited themselves to the evening do. So we set off and I had massively low expectations that the night wouldn’t go as hoped. Turns out, I had a great night. The people not wanted didn’t end up showing, Plan 9 played wonderfully, and everyone was too drunk to notice the cupcakes weren’t my best. And the icing on this birthday cake of win, I managed to get Jake’s present today instead.

Uni work has been a massive stress for me the past few weeks rushing to get everything done before the deadline that is flying out to Thailand – but somehow I’ve managed it. I only have my counselling skills tape which I’ll be doing tomorrow; and my actual final dissertation once I get my draft back. Truth be told though I was really happy with the draft so I don’t think I’ll have much to change. All my shopping is done for Thailand, and I’m remarkably chilled. Better still my exam timetable came through and for once I’ve not been screwed over by university, my exams are nicely spread out so I’m not too worried about have to cram revision for them while I’m away.

And yes, that’s the final piece of the jigsaw, Thailand. It was three years ago I stood in the station begging Jake not to leave me and go, I couldn’t bare to be away from him for two weeks, that was at the beginning of ‘us’. And now, three years on we’re packing our bags ready to leave together. I realise I’ve become one of those annoying people who obsesses about their holiday – sorry folks. (Just wait til I get back and you have to hear how good it was, that will be more annoying!)

Anyway I'm going to play some PS3, I've decided no work is getting done tonight, might aswell play some games, the new Batman game incidently, looks amazing. It's weird I'm not even like a massive Batman fan - I always kind of figured he's not a 'real' superhero since he has no powers and just a really good tech guy. He's like a vigilante James Bond. BUT I loved Arkham Asylum, and Arkham City looks just as good.

Oh, and jelly babies vodka... future ♥

Ok so in reality I should not be writing blogs right now I should be working but I’ve gone a bit brain dead so I figured I’d let my thoughts out rather than looking at wedding dresses which as fun as it is, it's actually risky because I want too many of them and I really don't have the money to buy one wedding dress, nevermind thirty.

They are beautfiul things though.

It kind of makes me wish I used to keep up designing. I used to draw outfits, alot. Sometimes I copied them like, drew real existing clothes just to practice and other stuff I'd just design on my own. It was something I just sort of stopped doing, I guess mainly because my time got took over by other things; at 16 you start A-levels were more demanding, I started drinking and going out every weekend, other stuff just took over. It's worth thinking about getting back into once I get exams and graduation out the way though. As little success as I've had with wedding dresses, I finally managed to find a graduation dress - hooray!


It actually won't be that long now. I can’t believe how fast time is moving, with everything. March is such an exciting month for me. This coming week I’m off to go see Red Jumpsuit Apparatus play. I’m excited because it will be my first gig in a very long time (not including Plan 9.etc). Also I guess because we’ve been saving money Jake and me haven’t really had a proper date in a while. I know a gig isn’t a date as such but it’s still doing something different so :) 

Then the following week, he’s turning 22. That feels strange, and sounds so much older than 21. My boyfriend, the 22 year old. Granted it’s still not really hit me I’m going to be 21 I still feel like we’re 17 sometimes. His birthday is going to be simple but nice. Plan 9 are playing a gig followed by just drinks with friends. I still probably will dress as a Leprechaun but ... nice and simple.

Then of course the week after it’s my 21st party. Not the actual birthday and to be honest I tend not to like it when people do loads of different things for their birthday but in Thailand I won’t see my friends and it means a lot to celebrate with them. I’m still hunting like mad for a dress for the occasion with no luck. It’s so odd, I normally never have trouble finding a dress. Infact it can be a curse the amount of times I see dresses I like. But oh well. I’m hoping between now and then I’ll definitely discover something to wear. I've got a 'reserve'dress just incase but we'll see.

And then of course the biggest countdown... Thailand. I don’t even think thats really hit me yet, it wasn’t that long ago we booked and were saying how we couldn’t wait. And now it’s practically here. And again it’s still making me feel like I’m young again because Jake going to Thailand last time was really the start of us. I remember standing in the train station the day before he left clinging to him begging him not to go. I never could have guessed three years later he’d be taking me with him.

I’ve said a few times about feeling young again in the blog but actually I’m going to contradict myself for a minute. There was an ‘incident’ this weekend regarding my flat, I’m not going to go massively into it for privacy sake but anyway, it’s left me feeling so, old. Good old. Mature. The other person involved is acting like a child. Getting his equally as childish friends to call me names and threaten me. Normally I'd be getting upset and worked up about it but I actually, I feel like laughing. I don't feel the need to call them anything back, to even react. I dealt with it calmly, I didn't let myself get stressed out or panicky. And it's all sorted now. Infact things have turned out better than even I could have planned.

It's made me feel very positive. It's nice to know that some things have changed, and I feel like I could really handle stuff life has to throw at me. The 'grown-up' stuff. Getting married. Getting a real, full-time job. Having a mortgage. Having a baby. It doesn't seem as scary or as daunting. In fact... it feels, right. And really, really good.

Long story short? I'm a happy bunny ...

Well my last blog was about jobs and I got quite a lot of feedback. Thanks to everyone who gave their advice. I still actually haven’t reached a decision regarding what I’m going to do but research is well underway.

Today’s about shopping mostly. I went shopping with a girlfriend, always fun. Don’t get me wrong I love going shopping with Jake but shopping with a girl is more.... productive. You always seem to come home with bags and bags. Luckily I didn’t go too nuts today, I managed to get some lovely shoes for Thailand though. Comfy for lots of walking, but not too fugly like crocs or something. Sorry if anyone here likes crocs but fashion wise you can't deny they're a crime.

I was unsuccessful finding the dress for my 21st night out sadly. Its odd, normally I know what I want in my mind roughly but for this I have no idea. All I know is I want something stunning.... its a special night, it deserves a special look. I've not had anything call to me yet. No I'm not a crazy person I don't mean dresses literally shout after me as I walk past... that would creep me out alot. But if I see a dress I can sort of, picture it for events. It says to me, "I will look amazing if you wear me at this event." And it just feels right. (Again not literally I'm not crazy people - well not that bad ;) Nothing has done that as yet. Hopefully it will before the night!

And to finish ... here's me in my suit. Random I know. My uncle bought me it ages ago for my HR interviews.etc but I've been trying on clothes tonight so figured I'd take a pic for him. Excuse the hair and makeup. I do like the suit though. Makes me feel old, good old though, not like decrepit.

I know my last blog was all about how you shouldn’t have a plan, but I’m going to be slightly hypocritical here and say I need one. More so just, directionally.

Option One

I’ve been offered two jobs in HR. One is a 35K salary but requires moving to at the very least, Manchester if not further. The second is 27.5K and is still in Manchester but central so I would be able to commute. Both sound fantastic really, high salaries, and HR is something that jobs are always going to be in. It’s ... practical. But it’s not something I’m passionate about. I can’t really see myself being happy in it, it’s not creative or especially helpful.


Option Two

Counselling. I’ve always wanted to be a counsellor and still do. I’m naturally drawn to people who are upset and wanting to help them. I’ve always been the friend people go too for advice and my whole attitude about how none of us are perfect means I pretty much have a non-judgement policy on anything I get told. BUT. It would mean either moving to London which financially isn’t fantastic, nor the fact I’m very much settled down, or a further 4 years in LJMU, which again financially isn’t great, plus I feel it would crush my soul.

Some people have said, “If you want it bad enough, you can manage that”. But the truth is, I want a house and a family and kids more... which would make option one ideal. Is it worth risking career satisfaction to achieve other goals?


Option Three

A writer. I love writing. I write all the time. I usually think of stories in the shower or when I can’t sleep and then try quickly scrawl them somewhere ready to write when I get a chance, by which time new ideas have formed anyway. Again however, this is a ‘risk’ option because out of hundreds of writers out there few of them ever make any real money from it.


Option Four

‘The business plan’. What’s the closest I can get to being a counsellor without all the training? Open up my own practice and manage that. With counselling, plus holistic health, I’d hire the staff that are already trained, use the money made to fund my own schooling and get work experience while I manage the place.... shadowing my own staff. I’ll need the capital but I’ve worked finances out and it is definitely do-able. It is risky. But I feel there is a lot of demand for what I could create. It incorporates everything I love too. It’ll involve writing, helping people. I can be as creative as I like, it’s my business to shape and mould. I can promote it myself, design posters, signs. Model for it. Decorate it myself (I have a fondness for interior decorating). I just don’t know whether to take the risk... or go with “safety option one.”



I’m going to publish this one on Facebook because I would really appreciate the advice of people here. Which option should I take? Should I take any of these? And why am I craving eggs?

How many people do you know who say “I want my first time having sex to be special.”


Now, how many people do you know who say, “My first time WAS special.” Half the first number... if that?

The plain and simple point I’m trying to get across here is, there is absolutely no point in planning. Your first time, yeah you can know the guy for as long as you want. Light as many candles as you want, wear the sexiest lingerie and have Enya’s greatest hits playing in the background. The bottom line is it’s still going to hurt, it’s still going to be awkward and it’ll still be over in 5 minutes.

I’m not just on about sex by the way this planning – it applies to all life’s concepts. Anything you lay out to do ends up not going to plan. Those ‘amazing nights out’ that have been planned for months end up being shit. It’s the spontaneous ones that are the best.

And without fail you’ll always hear people say – “I planned to do loads today and I haven’t.” Or “I haven’t got nearly as much planned done.”
Obviously I appreciate some things have to have some planning – weddings, holidays – you can’t just pack your bags, turn up the airport and go. (Well you can but meh- shush and don't be pedantic)

But generally speaking having a plan is a concept I don’t want to have anymore. I want to be surprised by life and what comes. By where I go, who I meet. What I end up doing. I don't want to be disappointed I didn't achieve everything I had planned to by the time I'm 30. I'm not saying I'm loosing ambition, or hope. I WANT to be married with at least one kid and a steady career by the time I'm 30, but its a want only, not a plan.

I realise I'm waffling now and I've said the word plan far to many times so I'll leave it there but the general point - don't ever get too upset when things don't go to plan. Everything happens for a reason .... so just go with whatever life brings.

I really don’t understand Formspring. Well I mean I understand it but I don’t see the attraction. An opportunity for people to ask questions. Surely if you’re friends wanted to know something they could just ask you in person. It seems more an opportunity to anonymously insult people so really getting one is like painting a target on yourself. And then occasionally people anonymously ask really deep or really personal questions and since it’s clearly not someone close to you I’d find myself saying “Stop being a nosy twat and GTFO”.


But then the curiosity of exactly what would some people ask if given the chance to anonymously is an enticing one so maybe that’s why they do it. To see exactly what people would say to them if given the chance. Hmmm..... I guess I am kind of curious.


It became known to be today my blog has a shockingly low number of readers. I’m not sure it bothers me since I’ve always written more for myself than for others. But I would like to know if its a case of people not caring what I have to say or simply that they don't know I even have a blog. I've never really advertised it much so maybe thats it.

Not else to talk about really - Valentines Day. I guess its like marmite - you either love it or you hate it. I can appreciate hating it when your single, but I think a lot of people forget; its about celebrating love. No one specifically said romantic love. Granted its become more of that, but I think people should generally celebrate love in friendships rather then get down about being single. It's a bit of a grey area for me. I've always loved Valentines Day - when I was younger a day devoted entirely to celebrating love seemed so romantic - I would swoon and wait for the day when I had someone to celebrate with. Now I'm older and in love, I still enjoy it - presents, going out for a meal, being all loved up. Who wouldn't enjoy that. But I think also, because I'm in love, I think its not something you should devote one day of the year to celebrating. Its something worth smiling about everyday, being in love, and having that love returned. Cliche soppyness? Perhaps, I am a hopeless romantic. But that feeling ultimately is what makes you the most happy; that someone who was a stranger becomes your reason for living, like the air you breathe you need them. You had a long life before them but its all a haze because you find yourself thinking how did I live before this?
How can you live when part of your soul was missing?

I'm waffling on now I think. I could talk romance all night. Forever. But I won't bore you. So, Happy Valentines Day to all my readers - I hope that you all find love somewhere, even if it's not necessarily the romantic kind. xxx

Had a shoot with the lovely Viliam yesterday. Makeup - you say it to a guy and they shrug, you say it to most girls and you'll get some "Oh my gawrsh I love makeup have you tried this new lippy its fit, look at my nail varnish". etc.etc.

But I think I'm growing a certain amount of respect for it. It does have massive power to completely change the way you look. Its like surgery without the price tag.


If you're talented enough you can create any look - and make someone - anyone - feel fantastic about themselves.

I think aside from this photo on the left, a massively brilliant example of this is http://www.celebritieswithoutmakeup.net/

A website dedicated entirely to showing actually just how non-special and normal and often sometimes actually quite ugly celebrities look without makeup.

I'm not saying everyone looks ugly without makeup and some people are probably going to start calling me shallow or something now, but it's more about actually taking a minute to appreciate just what makeup can do!

I'll get off makeup now. Plan 9 are recording today. I'm really pleased, it's been almost a year since they got together now with countless people asking to hear proper recordings. I've had to make do with videos off my camera at gigs which aren't always fantastic. Once we get these, I forsee a much brighter future for them :)

Right I'm off - dissertations to do! Thailand is ever-looming now so I really need to get myself together and get my work done!