Life’s little pleasures: listening to Final Fantasy piano collections and just lying on the couch. No matter what the mood they just make you so calm. I remember from the age of about seven upwards, if I ever couldn’t sleep I’d get my mp3 (or most likely Walkman in those days) and just listen and within minutes I’d drift off. I remember asking for the Aeris Theme Music Box, I wanted it so desperately. A music box is one of those weird little things without any real purpose but I don’t know, it’s just something I’ve always wanted – even now. However back then they were super rare and about £4000 and mum and dad felt beanie babies would suffice.  

Final Fantasy music is also one of the reasons I started playing keyboard, and I regret not pursuing that. But I guess thats the beauty of regretting stuff - it pushes you to do something, and there’s still plenty of time to learn properly.

 Though I will have less time soon. I finally managed to get a job. I’ll be working as a PCT assistant under a HR Manager for the NHS for the next few months, and then come September, assuming all goes well, be a Psychology Assistant. It’s exciting, I'd sort of got to a point where I was giving up hope on a career I'd enjoy and just settling for, well, anything. But it'll be good for me too, aside from the obvious like money and giving me something to do; it’ll help me appreciate free time better. Student life isn’t the best for doing that.

Anyway I’ve wrote a lot of blogs recently so I’ll keep this one short, plus I’m going to have an early night – I start my training tomorrow and the music is making me sleepy. Sweet dreams.

‘What’ and ‘if’. Two simple words that most of us use on a day to day basis. But put them together and it can be quite haunting.... What if?

It’s a question I used to ask myself a lot when I was younger. I had some difficult experiences in my past that weren’t easy to cope with, and I continually used to ask myself over and over... What if? What if I’d done something differently, I wouldn’t have to be suffering. I’d mentally beat myself up over it. It’s different now, sort of. There are still lots of things in my life I can ask ‘What if?’ too. Both major tragedies and minor blips. But nowadays I tend not to ponder it quite so much because I’ve forced myself to believe everything happens for a reason. It’s a notion that helps me cope with most of the bad things in my life including probably the most painful.

 It can also be a positive though. Today I hurt my back and at one point I was lying on the floor unable to move. For those of you who’ve heard the story of me breaking my neck, it was similar to this. My mind started racing.... “What if I can’t get up again, ever.” My whole future of graduating, employment, walking up an aisle, having a baby... living my life. There was a horrible jolt of, ‘What if I can’t do all the things I dream of in life...?’

 Maybe it was overreacting but still it motivated me, enough to get up. It was agonising yes but I forced myself to stand and get to the phone. I wouldn't let myself remain injured or get worse, I'd make sure I got help. So there are some benefits to it, yeah normally its, regret. But it can be a brilliant motivator.

So readers, maybe it’s worth thinking about now. What if ... the worst happened. Not to be too morbid but, if you were injured, killed – but aware, what would you regret NOT doing. Telling someone how you feel, treating yourself to that new thing, phoning up someone you miss, trying that thing you're scared to do. If there’s something you can think of, anything at all, then I’ve got another two words for you.

Why wait?

Firstly, I’d just like to open with a note. I haven’t been talking shit about you. I haven’t been slagging you off, making up rumours about you. I haven’t even talked about you... and if I have, then you’ll know, because I’ve done it to your face. Because if I have a problem with you, I tell you, and you’ll know about it; and more often than not I only have a problem with you because you’ve done something to justify that. So maybe get you’re act together, stop being such a nutter, a bullshitter, hurting people I care about or general acting out. Clear? Good, because I don’t want any more whiny little texts/messages/or hearing from friends about things I’ve apparently said about you. Cheers ʘ‿ʘ

Now moving swiftly on to greener pastures, I realised I started this blog two years ago with a little questionnaire; and quite a bit has changed since. So I figured for people I haven’t spoke to as often as I’d like I’d do another little intro quiz thing to update everyone who cares ...

NAME

Ok that hasn’t changed. Still Sally, no new additions, alterations, no new nicknames either. Recent pic of me. Hair's been pretty similar for a while and I do want a change I just can't decide what. In terms of colour there isn't much I haven't done already, my brain is still romancing with the idea of short hair but thinking maybe wait til after Graduation at least, just in case.


AGE

21. Hasn’t really hit me yet I don’t think. Though I don’t think it’s a birthday that changes you. I grew up when I moved into my own place and had to fend for myself. Being able to cook, take care of yourself, I think that’s what it’s more about. If always comes as a shock when I see people my age from school or wherever who still are incapable of making so much as beans on toast.

LOCATION
Still Liverpool. I live in a lovely flat in the city centre. Up until quite recently I always sort of firmly believed I’d stay in Liverpool forever but more recently I’ve been more open to moving. I’ve had job offers in London and a few other cities across the UK but honestly, I think my hearts more set on moving abroad.

OCCUPATION

At the moment I’m in a limbo of employment. No longer a full-time student I can’t just throw that down as my label. I still do freelance modelling which I enjoy very much but I earn nowhere near enough to match living costs. The problem these days is too many people are ‘models’. They do photo shoots for free and so photographers will happily go, “Do I pay £200 + to this girl, or use this one who’ll do it for free, for just a CD of the photos.” Well its common sense really and I can’t say I blame them. So whereas a year or so ago I’d be doing 1-2 paid jobs a month, at the moment business is a little slow. I also dabble in writing and am a freelance writer for Elite Magazine. My area is music which is okay, I’d prefer to have free reign over my writing but for a first job in it I’m more than happy and it’s just nice to have work published and recognised.

Other than that I’ve just graduated with a 2:1 with Honours in Psychology and Biology. I’m looking to go into the field of Psychology; Psychology Assistant work preferably. Fingers crossed I’ll get something, preferably in the NHS. I’d like to work for Health, at least then I can sort of feel like I’m helping people.


PARTNER

Jake and I are still together and approaching our three year anniversary. It seems longer than three to be honest, especially considering how fast they’ve gone with everything else. But I’m so happy, and I can’t imagine him not being there. The last year we’ve lived together which is always a trial for couples, but we’ve managed wonderfully and our biggest problems have come from other people in our lives, not one another.

I think we've got the whole co-exisitng thing down. We CAN be coupely, all over each other and mushy. But it doesn't have to be. We can be in a room at a party and hardly speak to each all night, and it's nice to know you can depend on someone, but not have to depend on them.

PETS

Simba the bunny is still going strong (and very large).

FRIENDS
When people ask me who my best friend is I say Jake. I think that’s true of most couples though. When you’re with someone who knows you better than anyone, all your thoughts, secrets, desires, who you can be completely yourself with – how can you not call them your best friend? Regardless of being lovers or not.

Outside that I don’t really call anyone ‘best’. I know some amazing people who I really gel with, and I’m not going to sit here reeling off my friend list because if you’re in it you already know. I do anything for them and I think they know that too, I go as far out of my way as I need to for the people I care about. The list is considerably smaller than perhaps a few years ago but to be honest I’m much happier this way. Having a few awesome people who make me happy, make me laugh; is a million times better than a massive group of friends with no real bonds.

Just times like these....

 

ABOUT ME

I really don’t know what to say here; I’m really happy in life right now. There’s a lot of uncertainty, especially in terms of career. I have no idea where I’ll end up or what I’ll end up doing. Financially I’m nearly completely broke; which yeah, it’s always a worry but I’m trying not to let it bother me too much. Money always becomes available, one way or another. It can always be found. Happiness isn’t always found so I’d rather focus all my energy on that than money.

As I mentioned earlier I’ve finished University. The whole being finished thing still hasn’t hit me. I feel like next September I’ll just be going back and doing it again. I think once I get a job and a routine it will feel more real, but at the moment I’m not doing much of anything so it doesn’t feel like anything’s changed. Or maybe I have to wait until my graduation ceremony – which I’m really looking forward to now I’ve actually passed.

I think I've covered 'the essentials' so to speak. I don't want to bore any readers if I haven't already with vagina waffle and the goings on of my life, most of you know already I just figured I'd update the about me a little since rather a bit has changed, but saying that, a lot has stayed the same, and I'm pretty happy with that.

One Big Advert

I’ve spent the last few weeks since finishing uni applying to job after job, sitting round, wandering round town aimlessly; and now I’ve hit breaking point. I physically can’t work out how people stay like this by choice. People who choose to sit in, not actively seeking jobs just being content with their weekly dole money. It’s killing me already. I very nearly resorted to watching Jeremy Kyle but promptly switched over when I saw this .... I want to say girl? ... *shudder*

Perhaps the worst thing is going for a job interview last week for an absolutely perfect job. Working in Psychology research field alongside a doctor who held particular interested in Health Psychology. The interview went fantastically, we talked about my dissertation, he even seemed interested in using it as a pilot study. We talked about his research and it all really did sound fascinating, he wasn’t working on anything dull. Then as the interview was drawing to a close and I was ready to leave feeling immensely positive, I got asked for sexual favours by the creep. Unfortunately it wasn’t an ill-timed joke on his part either. So now I’m back to square one, except I’ll probably be attending any new interviews more nervous than I would have been previously.

There are a few benefits from this period of nothing-ness. The first, I’ve got alot closer to a friend whose in exactly the same boat. As crap as our situation is, it’s a nice connection we have and I always like feeling closer to people.

But the main benefit is motivation. After three weeks of lying around, I’ve snapped up and am ready to jump in.

So modelling books are now 100% open. I normally only book in a few shoots every now and then but I’m getting out there and having more fun with it. I’m going to be doing some very cool shoots soon including pieces for FRONT and Elite magazine so if you want to keep up with my work add the page. https://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/pages/Sally-Davies-Model/209937932363383


On a similar note I’m looking for models; 4 females and 2 males for TFP on location shoots. You don’t have to have experience, be massively tall or skinny. All shapes and sizes are welcome and to be honest the more variety the better. If anyone is interested, or knows someone who would be interested; either message me on Facebook, text me, write on my page wall. Anything. This is the photographer involved in the project and (without the obvious bias) he is brilliant at what he does; and you will get some fantastic pictures from it to do whatever you like with. https://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/pages/Ron-Davies-Photography/119535841442535 On a similar note if anyone wants other services; weddings, photoretouching.etc – then check the page out.

I’m going to try and put a lot of work into Jake’s band too. My first purchase when I eventually come into money is going to be a DSLR camera. I want proper pictures from their gigs. Too many people have turned around to me and said “Why are these guys not gigging in town/been signed/got an EP”. And it’s true, all of them are so damn talented and when you look at some of the bands out there that are making it – their stuff is actually appaulling compared to Plan 9. They just need some more tracks (which they're working on) and more promotion (which I'm working on). Until then, show your support and spread the word I guess!

https://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/pages/Plan-9/174484499235602

My CV writing plan is going fairly well actually. The site I’ve made up for it has had more total views in a month than this blog (which has been going for a few years). The site needs a lot more work which is going to be added to my list of things to get done. But I think it could be a real hit, the prices are guaranteed the lowest and I still have got 100% success rate of getting to at least the interview stage. So if anyone’s interested, or knows anyone struggling, send them over. http://thecvwriter.blogspot.com/
Jesus this blog is just one big advert. Sorry guys.... "Sally Davies, model, model scout, groupie and writer." And hopefully by this time next week, BSc Hons Psychology and Biology. Bugger.

I bumped into my ex today. Well I say ex... I’m not even sure I’d go so far as to call it that. A brief fling many, many years ago. Anyway, after the usual chit chat he sighed and referred to me as “the one that got away.” Actually found this a little strange and made things slightly awkward for the remainder of the conversation; but it did send my mind off on a tangent.

‘The one who got away’. How do people come apart? I also had this conversation with my flatmate last night. Apart from the obvious; cheating, abuse – the general precedents of a bad relationship, what is it that stops us from being in love with who we have been for weeks, months, years of our lives? I think a massive part of it is giving up to easy.

 

People want perfection where it does not exist. Girls are raised on Disney movies where Prince Charming is a handsome, polite, devoted and rich male. He drops anything to come to his loves aid, sweeps her away and they live ‘happily ever after’. Similarly men are raised on history lessons were woman are doting loving wives who stay at home in an apron all day and have dinner on the table when they get in. Sex is a duty a woman should provide and there should be no quarrels if he wants to go drink alcohol and smoke cigarettes with his buddies. Ok I know this is all a little dated but you’d be surprised the number of men who still feel this way. Also ... side note here. Guys need to get out their head that woman 'put out' and give you sex as some sort of treat. Girls enjoy sex just as much as guys (if not sometimes more). But anyway I'm spiralling off again so ...

 

What people need to realise is that every single couple goes through shit. No one has a perfect relationship, everyone argues about money issues, trust issues, all sorts. That being said though, couples sometimes aren’t right for each other which begs the question what brings them together in the first place. It kind of sucks that human’s aren’t naturally monogamous and you have to go through that whole irritating processes of schoolgirl crushes, first loves, heartbreaks – the works. Even when you are with some and you’re happy you don’t truly know they’re ‘the one’. But then is there even such thing as soulmates. I don’t think there is anymore, I mean I think there are people right and wrong for each other but not just one single person on this Earth out of 6 billion compatible to you. It’s a nice and comforting thought though to think that there is someone for everyone out there, and that I believe.

 

Anyway moving on, bit about me now. Life is good, I haven’t yet found a job OR a career (though I have an interview next week so fingers crossed for that). But I’m happy. Had a great shoot yesterday and another potentially amazing one that I’m very excited for next weekend. I’ve decided to start using my time productively though to get organised, if I’m not going to be working then I may as well be doing something useful. So, the new ‘list’.

1. Sort out my current room and my old room in my parents – sell anything I no longer need on ebay or give to charity. No more hoarding.
2. Take up some form of exercise to get fit and toned.
3. Sort out mine and Jake’s new place ready to move into.
4. Stop buying things I don’t need, junk food namely and instead save up the money to buy a camera.
5. Pursue photography further - maybe even make some cash out of it.

 Ok so it’s not a massive list granted but the less I aim to do the more likely I am to get it done, or so I figure. Also setting up my new business venture – which eventually will have it’s own website. Infact.

 

6. Create website for business venture.

 

And what is it you might ask? Well, CV’s. It’s not going to be a lot. I figure, £5 for a CV. £5 for a cover letter. Or £8 for the two together. Maybe if you want job specific ones then bump the price up a little. But to be honest, it’s something not a lot of people really know how to do and I seem to be okay at it so, I guess it can’t hurt... and a little extra money coming in is always nice, I might actually be able to go for drinks with people then. Or delve into Jane Norman’s delicious new summer stock..... *sigh*

 

 

 

My blogs are all starting to look sort of similar lately. Me soul searching for what I want to be, what I want to do with life.


I’ve started applying for jobs, not necessarily careers as such but just something to do over summer, keep me in pocket since funds are trawling somewhat at the moment. I’ve never really had a problem getting a job in the past, find 20 and apply, here back from 3 or 4. Then interviews I’m usually okay with. I’ll be shy as hell and nervous as hell but I get quite good at wearing a mask in interviews. Pretending I’m the most confident, outgoing girl in the world. It usually passes and I get the job. At the moment though, I can’t even find 20 jobs to apply to. I can’t even find 3 or 4. The reality of the situation the country is in, unemployment, masses of people searching for jobs and hitting dead ends, is finally sinking in.

I still definitely want a job helping people. I like looking after people. I’m good at it. I probably would make a good nurse if I wasn’t squeamish about excessive blood and hankles. I could be a care assistant again but that was different. When a person’s sick or injured and you’re helping them – they’re grateful. When they’re senile or insane, you become the enemy. You’re trying to help them but they don’t see it this way.

I always sort of saw it from the carer’s perspective until recently. That it was frustrating and difficult. But I’ve just finished reading Water for Elephants. The films just come out and for those of you who have seen the trailers you’re probably thinking ‘Oh it’s a soppy love film with that git who sparkles.’ I’ve not yet seen the film but the book, well yes there is a love story entwined but I wouldn’t call it a love story. It’s all quite sinister. Half the book is the perspective of one of the characters later in life looking back. He’s an old man in a home. His thoughts in the book make you realise that probably, a lot of them feel that way. Devastated at what they’re life has become, frail, unable to walk, to remember, eating stew and semolina while they crave ‘real food’. It’s very true of real life in care. Every day we’d wheel them to dinner, plonk a plate of mush in front of them and insist they eat it before we pushed them back to their rooms. At the time it seemed we were helping, but the book’s given me massive perspective, some of those people could easily sit and eat proper, solid food. It impossible to tell what they want sometimes so helping them isn’t easy.

The longing to be a counsellor is still there. I’m good at it. It frustrates me so much, something I’m perfectly good at now would require another 4 years in university just to prove I’m good at it? I could of done it before uni, yeah I got a 1st in my Counselling coursework BECAUSE I’m good at it but I could have told you that without 30 hours of lectures telling me how to ‘be there for someone’. It’s something that comes natural. Compassion isn’t knowledge transferable.

I sort of regret taking the subject I did, I wish I’d taken something more precise. You do it, you come out fully qualified to be whatever it was. Do the past three years over. I’ve often said I wouldn’t do that, because I’m happy now and I wouldn’t want to change the outcome. But the truth is I probably would change things. Not just the course I did but, I’d avoid certain people – and others would get my undying appreciation and I’d treat them a lot better. I guess it’s too late to ponder that now but, at least I have the future to make it up to the ones that really matter, and stuck around.


I’ll end on some good news. I got a 1st in my dissertation. I’m pleased but, without sounding cocky, not surprised. You can revise for an exam and come out with an A or a D. They’re unpredictable. This however, I worked hard. Hell I worked harder than hard. I spent so much time on it. I put everything I had into it – and I guess it was worth it.

The next blog won't be about what to do with life.... promise :)

Taking a break from cleaning to write a little bit. I haven’t posted in a while. This is primarily due to the fact I’ve been up to my eyeballs university exams. Most people who know me will know I get stressed quite easily so having exams that my degree well and truly depended on meant I was snapping at people like a menopausal crocodile. However, exams are now finished, and I am free. I don’t think it’s really hit me yet. I keep going out and then my mind is like... ‘Shouldn’t you be revising?’ Well no, fuck you mind, I shouldn’t.

Now I’m just counting down the days until 15th July when I graduate officially and become Sally Davies BSc(Hons) Psychology and Biology.

So what else has been going on? I got a job as a writer working for Elite Online Magazine. Obviously I love writing so the opportunity to get it published is a great personal achievement. Plus it’s got my foot in the door to similar work now. At the moment I’m doing music reviews so if there are any bands out there who want to be interviewed/reviewed let me know. My latest article on Crosby Music Festival is available here: http://eliteonlinemagazine.com/

Modelling is going fairly well too, am taking part in Liverpool Fashion Week. Catwalk modelling isn’t really my forte, I’m far too clumsy – I’m that model who trips, steps on someone else’s dress or is so busy concentrating on not tripping she walks straight off the end of the catwalk. But oh well, it will be a laugh, and good experience. I've got some interesting shoots in the pipeline too so looking forward to starting them. On the negative side someone once again went round reporting harmless pictures as offensive so I'd decided to make a Facebook page; if people could add that and share I'd be very appreciative. https://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/pages/Sally-Davies-Model/209937932363383

Ok I'll stop advertising/promoting now. I've kind of run out of things to talk about now anyway. Life is good, and for once seemingly drama free. It's nice to relax, enjoy the people around me's company without worrying about something else to do. I shall try and update this a bit more now uni isn't in the picture, and make it more interesting. But until then, off to clean like a good little housewife - life's current biggest drama is the pile of laundry and what carpet shampoo will get this pesky cocktail stain out the carpet!