A lot has happened since my last post. Not that long ago everything was going to hell, now it's back on the way up.

Tomorrow is my last day of my job. I don't think it's hit me; it feels like I'm just going on annual leave, not permanent. I'm going to miss the people I work with so much. We all just gel; we have random but hilarious conversations and it just seems like we're on the same wavelength. I'm really going to miss them. I haven't secured another job yet because I've been presented with several options and I'm undecided which route to take.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-

I took the one less travelled by,

And that has made all the difference. 

The first option is a job; essentially the role I'm in now, only closer to home and a higher salary. Ideal really. Good for someone looking to settle down. A permanent position in Human Resources giving me enough money to get by plus a little extra for those rainy days. It's the obvious choice. The path most people would probably take.

The second.... a job working as a HR Advisor to an Assistant Director for a newspaper. A big responsibility; but an exciting one brimming with opportunity. A fantastic salary too. A starting salary of 38,000 .... dollars.

Yeah, that's the catch. Option number two means moving. Moving quite far. Canada in fact. At first it wasn't even an option to me; but suddenly it is. The one thing that's really keeping me here is willing to pack up and come; and I realised, there isn't much else here. Not in a horrible way. I love my friends and leaving them would be sad. But I mean - Waterloo, Liverpool, England. I hate that everyone knows everyone. That if you don't like someone you run into them constantly anyway. The same old people crop up. Even without that, it's the same old routine. Adventure isn't easy to come by in Waterloo. And adventure is something I sort of long for. It's still not completely decided, it depends on the next few months, but if I know this is going to be the view from my window... I think I definitely am leaning towards a Yes.

Wow right? Anyway, I have loads more to fill you in on. A lot's happened. It's been a busy few weeks. But for now, I have to go make dinner. So I will blog again soon. Watch this space.

Time for a reasonably happy blog after last week's couple which were about as cheerful as a Eulogy. 

The biggest event of the last week has probably been Jake's birthday. 23. It kinds of freaks me out when I think he was 18 when we met.  Anyway, his birthday was a fairly quiet one. A nice breakfast/lunch in the cafe down the road followed by shopping and then an evening in with a few drinks. But it was nice. Hopefully he enjoyed it; I did. My main gift to him was more art on the canvas that is his body the day before. While he went off for a day off getting inked I had a girly day with Viliam after a quick morning session and brand new 'do at Hooka. 

Shopping followed by a shoot. I'm going to do a massive shout out professional wise to Vil here because the shoot was a very last minute favour. She came down, and did my make-up without brushes. It looked fantastic. It was a shoot in my flat of an evening so no daylight and with only normal room lighting. The results of it were fantastic, so massive kudos to her for doing a job equal to and even better than some togs who have all the tools. 

The one benefit of having time off work is I can fit a lot of shoots in. I'm doing my first underwater shoot this week for Purple Magazine. I am very nervous, there's so many variables. You have to hold your breathe for 3 minutes minimum at a time. You have to keep yourself submerged and fight naturally floating upwards. You have to hold your eyes open. But the worst part, you have to concentrate on making facial expressions and poses WHILE doing all this. Don't get me wrong, I'm really excited as well. I'm also doing my first body paint shoot with the lovely Darren whom I worked with last year. All in all, quite a hectic week. 

As for 'real' work. I've managed to secure myself some interviews. The first for a HR Supervisor position in Whiston. It's close to where I worked before in Huyton with a very similar job description (just a bit more money). It's a very safe option. I won't be taking a step out of my comfort zone. The second job is the other end of the spectrum - graphic design. It's a bit of a funny one. As graphic design goes I would label myself as 'okay'. I can put together a poster that's better than you're cliche WordArt fonts made in Publisher. I have reasonable skill on photoshop. But this job asked for someone with a degree; and some photoshop experience. In that respect I think it's more of a teaching job, it will be a learning curve and that's exciting - something new but also useful. Anyway, we'll see what the future holds. 

I guess the next big thing to look forward to is my birthday. It's a bit of a difficult one. I know whatever I do it won't really top last year. Thailand, a spit roast pig on the buffet, live music, cheap drinks and dancing. The only thing missing really was friends. This year it will probably just be friends around for drinks, maybe go out for food first. Which is fine. More than fine. It's lovely. I'm looking forward to it. 

Finally a little bit of promotion. This evening was spent watching the wonderful Meadowhead, Jake's new band. It's very different from the usual rock'n'roll and to be fair it's probably not everyone's genre of choice but nevertheless they manage to captivate an entire bar full of people with their folk/acoustic set. I fully recommend going down to one of their gigs, and not just 'cus I'm dating the box player!

 

See one of the pros of life is also a con. Or vice versa, depending how full or empty your glass is. I’m talking about uncertainty. My last blog talked about how I could never have predicted my future now and who would be in it, namely my partner. That was a positive; the uncertainty brings a sort of excitement about the possibilities open to you in life, especially ones you can’t even foresee. Unfortunately that uncertainty can also be a negative.

On Monday the news was broken to me that come the end of the month my job would be gone. This was such a shock. My contract isn’t a permanent one so I was always aware there would be an end; I just didn’t expect it to be so soon. It’s bizarre, I know redundancy can happen at any time; but I sort of always associated it with being older. I never expected to be made redundant at 21. After the shock the panic set in. Payments on the flat. Bills. My car. Insurance. The holiday I had just booked four days earlier. It all came crashing down that the little life I’d built for myself, the life that I’d worked fantastically hard to get on its feet and going where I wanted was about to come crashing down.

Coupled with this I got some pretty bad news from the doctor as well. I don’t really want to discuss it here but those closest to me already know. The two things combined almost sent me spiralling. When everything piles on at once it’s difficult to keep yourself afloat. You do start to feel sorry for yourself; you feel like you’re being picked on and it all seems a bit hopeless. But I’ve managed to fight it, sort of. Jake was amazing. He calmed me down a massive amount and reassured me it would be okay; we could survive just as long as we skimped on a few luxuries.  He really did keep me held up. I don’t know why it even surprises me. He’s done the same for four years.

I still feel like shit about it all, and it still massively sucks, but despite it all I’m trying to stay positive. There are people in my work who have children. Single parents. To be made redundant at that stage when you've got people other than yourself relying on you would be a far worse situation. Anyway, I’m trying to tell myself over and over that everything happens for a reason. Maybe I’ll get a better job I wouldn’t have been open too when I was employed. Or maybe it’s just to help me appreciate what I’ve got. How important Jake is, friends, family – over money, or even my own health. I guess one thing it's made me realise is how easy it is to ignore the trivial stuff, the little dramas. 


I made a tumblr account for my modelling stuff; and on there is the option to ask an anonymous question. Within a week I had one question (well not really a question more a random anon insult) - http://sallydaviesmodel.tumblr.com/  As soon as a I read it I did think, oh, that's a bit upsetting. Then I realised with everything going on, how little affect it had on anything in my life. Loosing my job might mean I can't afford to keep my home or my car. Loosing my health might mean I might be in pain, maybe even eventually die. But, someone writing a nasty comment. Fuck it. It makes no difference to me really. None of it does, the people I don't get on with, and what? I don't get on with them. What would be the point of letting them upset me when so much else is going on. It would be stupid. It is stupid; and I think I've finally reached that point where I'm passed caring at all. 


Maybe that was the point of it all, to let me get over some of the things in the past. Maybe it's all come crashing down so that I could cross something off my list. Anyway, consider it crossed. 


23) Remove from life the people who upset me completely. Stop letting them get to you. 


Fingers crossed when I write again, it'll be a bit happier. Jake's birthday, my birthday, and the holiday are all on the horizon, plus the uncertainty of maybe a new career (hopefully), or whose knows what else. I guess that's the beauty of it.