Memoirs Of A Graduate

I've been reading over my old blogs and I sound so miserable lately. Okay granted it's not been without reason but I just didn't like it at all. So I haven't had the best luck lately.... so what? I was thinking about this the other day. I hurt my foot. I thought at first it was broken toes but the doctor confirmed it's just pulled tendons. I say that like that's massively better, it's not. But anyway; so I was moaning wondering when I was going to catch a break and stop being sick and/or injured; and it kind of hit me. Never. I've been this way my whole life. I'm clumsy. I always break. It happens. Same way meeting knobheads in life is unavoidable, because not everyone is a nice person. You just face it and get on. I did a sort of new 'about me' thing fairly recently with the change but I feel like everything's changed since then so this blog is going to be another one of those type things. Sorry if that's boring. But I figure if you're reading this you're bored anyway so :)

 

A RECENT PIC
Since my last one of these there has been a big change. My hair. Yes I finally took the plunge and allowed to chop it all off. I think changing my hair came nicely in time with the big change in my life. I do like it; it's a big frustrating how quickly it grows, but free haircuts mean its not too much of a hassle.

AGE
21 but feel so much older. Somehow I've landed myself in quite a grown-up job. Yes okay I know I am a grown up, but things like sitting in an interview room or being in charge of well... anything really; it's a big responsibility that makes me feel older. I guess with everything going on I've kind of been thrown in the deep end and I had to grow up quick. As long as I don't get the wrinkles and grey hairs to match, I think I'm coping.


OCCUPATION
I've landed in the NHS as I wanted but working in Human Resources. I say but in terms of I guess wanting to be a counsellor/psychologist sort of implies that's where i would have ended up in the NHS but no, HR it is. I do like it though. Apart from the responsibility and stuff it's a good job and lots of variation. I work in recruitment, from putting jobs on nhsjobs to taking successful candidates through the recruitment process; and things like interviews and liasing with heads of service comes into that; which is always interesting. Their the main aspects I guess. I guess I'm still pining for counselling but sitting through review interviews for Mental Health I really got a feel for just how difficult it is to get there; and stay there. I'm starting a course in EMDR which will be a step towards the counselling side of things but a large (sensible) part of me is thinking counselling should be something on the side for me and staying in HR would be wise.

Outside I'm still doing modelling. My dramatic haircut was part of modelling for HOOKA and since getting the chop I've had a lot of interest from places. Unfortunately, working full time weekdays means I am somewhat restricted to shoots so I'm not doing as much as I'd like. I have a few exciting ones lined up though that will be worth taking the time off for.

I did get an invite to the auditions for BNTM. I really did enjoy the show this year, it's the first time I sat down and really watched it. I'm not sure it's for me though. I love shoots, and when it brings the cash in that's always good. But it's not a secure career. It's not 9-5 knowing a paycheck will be coming in at the end of the month; its not knowing when you hit your late 20's if you're still going to be wanted. Or when you settled down and want to have a baby. It's just not something I've got enough drive for, family is definitely higher on the ambitions list.

PARTNER

Still Jake, hasn't changed., not likely to change if I've got anything to say about it.  I guess I've been thinking a lot about couples and relationships lately. It's so insightful watching other people's relationships. They're all so different, some are fiercely independent, others rely totally on each other. Some harmonised, others argue a lot, and yet the majority of them are happy. It proved my theory so much that there's no such thing as a perfect couple, partially because perfection is subjective. But sometimes times are shit, you're going to argue and fight because that's life. Perfection doesn't exist, you just have to hunt for the closest thing to it.



PETS
Sadly Simba passed away meaning my pets are down to 0. Charlotte has bought a bunny though, a gorgeous beautiful little thing with such character. I know she's not mine but I guess I'm sort of like an aunty I guess. While she's away in Paris I've been watching her, and I've just fallen in love. I really love the feeling of having something to look after, to be responsible before. I guess; I like being depended on. It's nice.

FRIENDS
I think one of the reasons I was getting down so much in the past few months was friends. Not as in, it was their fault. But between illness and always feeling knackered with stress I didn't go out much and I never actually realised just how much I did miss people. When things got really, really shit though; it was a little overwhelming (in a nice way) at how much they came through for me. One tearful phone call and I was surrounded by an army of people saying; "Hey, we're here for you." That was lovely. It helped more than anything I think. When you feel like I did, I think the scariest thing was feeling alone. It stopped all that. Then Halloween was lovely seeing people. Everyone having fun, laughing and messing about just left me with such a good vibe. If I've learnt anything over the past few months; it's no matter how shit you feel don't be a hermit, because going out will make you feel better.



WHAT'S TO COME....

The years nearly over. Which frequently blows my mind. Where has this year gone?? It's been a very busy year; my 21st and Thailand, graduating, leaving uni, moving out the flat, starting work in 'the real word'... it's been a big one.  In terms of short term there's still a few events left for the year, little things; nights out, concerts. Obviously Christmas/NY and all the events that come with that.

Next year; I don't really know what it holds. I know the number one goal; buy and move into a house in Crosby/Waterloo. We've gone over the finances, and honestly, we're not all that far off now. It terms of deposit I've managed to save about half of it. By spring/summer next year we should be ready. I guess hand in hand with that is the new level for the relationship. When we moved into the flat everyone gave us "You're going to break up or end up killing each other because of this". Well, we didn't. Sure there were arguments, but overall the whole experience was a contented one. We lasted the full year for the most part happy; our biggest problems came from other sources which ended up bonding us.

Apart from that I really don't know what the year holds. I'd love to go back to Thailand of course but that may have to wait a couple years more. I guess thinking of it, if you asked me this time last year what I'd be doing now; I wouldn't have given the right answer.  So who knows, take it as it comes and fingers crossed there will be a little less injuries.



To finish ...  advertising. Plan 9 are playing tonight at Stamps Too. Quite possibly it will be the last gig of the year for them, so come down and give me someone to get drunk with :)