Memoirs Of A Graduate

Most people have a plan in life. They go to university to do a topic they can later in life get a job with. I used to have a plan. I don’t anymore. So I went to a career guidance counsellor. The first question she asked after what course I was doing is ‘What are you good at?”


This is such a hard question, needlessly open-ended. What am I good at? I’m good at lots of things. I’m good at spending money, drinking copious amounts of cider, I’m good at making cheesecake and roast dinners, I’ve been told I’m good in bed, and I know I’m good at being a girlfriend. I’m good at procrastination, good at texting people back, and really good at shopping, particularly finding bargins. I’m very good at falling asleep in any location, and I excel at eating chocolate, as well as making cups of tea. I’m good at various video games, and guessing the end in films. I’m good at injuring myself. I’ve also recently discovered I’m good at writing CV’s for people. Though recruitment isn’t my forte.

All of these things then I figured not to mention, they aren’t useful skills in jobs.

“I’m good at listening, and I give good advice.” I offered. This is true, and potentially helpful.

“Have you considered counselling?”

Fuck you.

“Yes actually. That was my life’s ambition. Unfortunately I won’t consider the extra 5 years I have to spend in uni to do it.”

“So what else are you good at?”

Romance, couples, love, matchmaking. Would it be valid to mention these? I’m brilliant at all things love. I’m usually good at setting people up because I know what traits work together, and who would clash. I’m also good at telling when couples aren’t right for each other. I could probably tell you now out of people in my life which couples will go the distance and which won’t. There’s so many indicators, it can be the smallest things, a minor action, a look in the eyes. The way they move around each other. Couples who work are the ones that co-exist. Sometimes it not obvious, they seem strong and loved up but there’s just a sign they’re not right. Other times its staring you in the face, they’re bad mouthing there other half, flirting with anything that has a pulse around them, wandering eyes. And breaking up. The couples that break up a lot and then get back together then think it’s all so romantic they came back together. No. Once, maybe. But this happens every month, you obviously aren’t right for each other if you were so easily ready to give up. And the fact this keeps happening just shows you aren’t right for each other, so break it up and move on.

I can’t really say this to my guidance counsellor however and I’m aware there’s limited jobs that require it. Maybe I could work at match.com pairing people up... or well, relationship counselling would be ideal. But again, five years... just no.

Instead I offer, “I’m good at reading people.” This falls under similar topics since you need to be able to read people to watch a relationship anyway. “I can usually tell if a person’s good or bad just by looking at them.”
At this point I get the raised eyebrows expression I often get when the ‘good/bad person’ statement comes up.

I have this theory you see, there are two types of people. Good people and bad people. At the end of the day, whichever type you are you will make mistakes. At some point or another you’ll cock up massively whether it’s being a shit friend, lying about something, just do something bad. Because people aren’t perfect, we all fuck up. Every single one of us. The difference is. Good people are the ones who fuck up but feel remorse for it. They try and be nice and good and there for people, but occasionally they fail but they take it damn hard. Bad people however are those who don’t care. They’ll act like a dick and chances are they’ll think they’re hilarious and the best thing since sliced bread. Don’t get me wrong it’s not just black and white. There are grey areas and varying degrees. But generally I can tell what sort of person people are by a glance and I’m very rarely wrong.


I’ve explained this to the counsellor now avoiding describing the bad people are acting like ‘cunts’ as I figure this won’t go down well. The counsellors got this weird expression on her face like I might be a nutter. Maybe she’s right. But then she surprises me by sitting back in her chair, arms folded and says, “And which are you?”
“Me? I’m a good person.” Of course I’m going to say that anyway because I’m hardly going to tell someone I’m a massive twat whether it’s true or not, but yeah lets’ get serious for a moment. “I try to be a nice person, my friends will know this, if they want something, ask and it’s done. I help anyone I care about in any way I can because I feel nothing but gratitude for them being in my life. Going all out, going the extra mile.... it’s my way of saying thank you for being in my life. That being said, if someone hurts someone I care about I get aggressive about it, I’m more likely to throw a punch over a friend being upset than I am myself. She smiles and nods and says ‘Raskha’ to me. I look at her blankly until she explains ... 'Mother wolf' ...  raskha means protection, ‘she will fight to the death for any of her cubs, natural or adopted’.
This woman is obviously smarter than she looks because she’s read me pretty well. She tells me that she doesn’t know what job to suggest, but the good people always come out on top, “You’ll be just fine.”

... I still don't know what I'm going with my life... but at least I know what my next tattoo is going to say :)