Memoirs Of A Graduate

I'm a big believer in signs. Not 'from God' or astrology or crop circles; but more that things generally happen in coordination; and more often than not - the signs I see end up inspiring me. So; this is my week....

On Monday morning I logged into Facebook on my lunch break and was met with a torrent of status' about the death of Margaret Thatcher. Now I know when famous people die, the jokes start. Whether they were adored or hated, there's always puns and witty little remarks; and even if it's bad taste, I often find myself laughing. I saw a few jokes, but mostly I saw venom. "I hope she suffered in the end."/"I hope she rots in hell."/ "Has made my week, best news, party time!" .etc.etc I was kind of taken aback. I am not a Thatcher fan; partially because when her office ended; I was a fetus. Mostly because what I did know of her, she was ruthless, cold hearted, and a lot of people suffered at the hand of her decisions. It alarmed me at people's nature. I don't hate many people. I dislike plenty, I'm not much of a people person if I'm honest. But hatred in reserved for a select few people in my life; and while I am pleased they are not in my life; I do not wish them to not be in life. It also made me pretty sad. When she was in power she made bad decisions, horrible decisions. But then she left, and 23 years on, people still harbor such strong hatred, loathing, resentment towards her. 23 years is a long time. My lifetime. It's a long time to hate.

So after lunch I spent work feeling disgruntled by it all. Then later a client came in. It pains me that because of confidentiality I can't tell you about her properly. Because her story is an inspiring one. But the jist is - she has gone through hell. When she told me her story my eyes filled with tears. A counsellor is not meant to cry at a client. It's meant to be the other way round. I tried to put myself in her shoes but could not fathom it. My sorrows paled in comparison. So she cried for a bit; then once she got it out her system, she smiled at me. She went on to tell me all the good things in her life. All the things that she had to be happy about. At the end of the session she was beaming, she was so grateful and instead I felt like I was the one who should be saying thank you, I left feeling inspired.

I came home that night and tucked into my new book; 'The Silver Linings Playbook'. Normally with books I like to read before I watch the film, but I caught the film last week which I really enjoyed, so treated myself to the read. The book and the film are very different, incredibly different. But the basic skeleton is there. It's about a guy, Pat Peoples. Pat has a mental illness. He makes a lot of mistakes, does a lot of bad things. But it's about his road to recovery, learning from his mistakes, changing, growing; and finding the silver linings in the bad. Which is inspiring too, because as it goes on and you see some of the fucked up things people do, and then you see to the people who really matter, in the long run, it's okay. Which put a lot of things into perspective. I know it's just a book, a fiction. But the best writers, write what they know. So I always like to think there is some element of truth behind the scenes.

If nothing else, the silver lining of this cloud is that
it's shaped like a motherf**cking bunny!

So this is what I took from my week of signs. I don't want to be like Margaret Thatcher. I know it wouldn't be on quite such a grand scale, but I don't like the idea of anyone feeling joy at my passing, of anyone relishing my suffering. I want to be like my client - seeing the good in the bad times. Not getting dragged down by it all when things do get tough. I want to be like Pat Peoples. Making mistakes, but making amends too. Fucking up but then making it right.

I've made a lot of mistakes. I've done some awful things, things I'm not proud of, that leave me remorseful. As a result of a lot of these things I've lost friends, disappointed loved ones; which only makes me feel worse. But instead of dwelling on it I'm going to change from it. Make amends. Maybe not gain friendships back - but at least make peace with them. Learn to appreciate the people who stood by me through the mistakes, and really cherish them. Learn to be better. That's how I've been inspired this week; and honestly, I feel happier already.