I'm a big believer in signs. Not 'from God' or astrology or crop circles; but more that things generally happen in coordination; and more often than not - the signs I see end up inspiring me. So; this is my week....

On Monday morning I logged into Facebook on my lunch break and was met with a torrent of status' about the death of Margaret Thatcher. Now I know when famous people die, the jokes start. Whether they were adored or hated, there's always puns and witty little remarks; and even if it's bad taste, I often find myself laughing. I saw a few jokes, but mostly I saw venom. "I hope she suffered in the end."/"I hope she rots in hell."/ "Has made my week, best news, party time!" .etc.etc I was kind of taken aback. I am not a Thatcher fan; partially because when her office ended; I was a fetus. Mostly because what I did know of her, she was ruthless, cold hearted, and a lot of people suffered at the hand of her decisions. It alarmed me at people's nature. I don't hate many people. I dislike plenty, I'm not much of a people person if I'm honest. But hatred in reserved for a select few people in my life; and while I am pleased they are not in my life; I do not wish them to not be in life. It also made me pretty sad. When she was in power she made bad decisions, horrible decisions. But then she left, and 23 years on, people still harbor such strong hatred, loathing, resentment towards her. 23 years is a long time. My lifetime. It's a long time to hate.

So after lunch I spent work feeling disgruntled by it all. Then later a client came in. It pains me that because of confidentiality I can't tell you about her properly. Because her story is an inspiring one. But the jist is - she has gone through hell. When she told me her story my eyes filled with tears. A counsellor is not meant to cry at a client. It's meant to be the other way round. I tried to put myself in her shoes but could not fathom it. My sorrows paled in comparison. So she cried for a bit; then once she got it out her system, she smiled at me. She went on to tell me all the good things in her life. All the things that she had to be happy about. At the end of the session she was beaming, she was so grateful and instead I felt like I was the one who should be saying thank you, I left feeling inspired.

I came home that night and tucked into my new book; 'The Silver Linings Playbook'. Normally with books I like to read before I watch the film, but I caught the film last week which I really enjoyed, so treated myself to the read. The book and the film are very different, incredibly different. But the basic skeleton is there. It's about a guy, Pat Peoples. Pat has a mental illness. He makes a lot of mistakes, does a lot of bad things. But it's about his road to recovery, learning from his mistakes, changing, growing; and finding the silver linings in the bad. Which is inspiring too, because as it goes on and you see some of the fucked up things people do, and then you see to the people who really matter, in the long run, it's okay. Which put a lot of things into perspective. I know it's just a book, a fiction. But the best writers, write what they know. So I always like to think there is some element of truth behind the scenes.

If nothing else, the silver lining of this cloud is that
it's shaped like a motherf**cking bunny!

So this is what I took from my week of signs. I don't want to be like Margaret Thatcher. I know it wouldn't be on quite such a grand scale, but I don't like the idea of anyone feeling joy at my passing, of anyone relishing my suffering. I want to be like my client - seeing the good in the bad times. Not getting dragged down by it all when things do get tough. I want to be like Pat Peoples. Making mistakes, but making amends too. Fucking up but then making it right.

I've made a lot of mistakes. I've done some awful things, things I'm not proud of, that leave me remorseful. As a result of a lot of these things I've lost friends, disappointed loved ones; which only makes me feel worse. But instead of dwelling on it I'm going to change from it. Make amends. Maybe not gain friendships back - but at least make peace with them. Learn to appreciate the people who stood by me through the mistakes, and really cherish them. Learn to be better. That's how I've been inspired this week; and honestly, I feel happier already.

I've been neglecting this blog a little of late so I'll try and make this post a hearty one!

Yesterday was my 23rd birthday. I wasn't overly excited about it if I'm honest - it was nice to have time off work but the actual birthday concept didn't overwhelm me. Everyone older than me had the same to say; "Yeah, that's what happens."

Anyway, it did turn out to be a nice day. I went into town to do some shopping and then went for lunch and a pint of fruili in the Ship and Mitre (for old times sake); followed by heading out that evening to Wetherspoons for some food and drinks. I got some lovely presents, one of which being a new laptop which I have so desperately desired. My old one finally died of old age a few months ago; and while I can use the phone for Facebook and checking emails;  hobbies that play a big role in my life such as writing took a back seat. I couldn't write my articles, novels or blogs. Speaking of blogs; my new one is now up and running. I keep plugging it I know but it would be nice for it to take off a bit, hopefully to some people; it is more interesting than my general vagina waffle: New Blog.

I also got some lovely cards. I know most people these days tend to only be interested in a card if it's got money inside but me; I am a lover of cards. I think it means more sometimes when someone gets you a card that really suits you because it shows effort has been made. Poor Jake has had his fair share of earfuls about this and my love of 'the right' card - but he did me proud and got me this brilliant one. I also got one from a friend that has me all over :)

The absence of a laptop has meant I've been paying more attention to my other computer. My PS3 has been getting a lot of use lately; helped by the large number of great games out at the moment. I've been dabbling in Bioshock Infinite, Metal Gear Rising, but I think the game that deserves a special mention is Tomb Raider. I remember being six years old; telling my mum and dad that I wanted to be an archaeologist. It wasn't because I liked history; it was because I wanted to be Lara Croft - and let's be honest - who didn't? The new Tomb Raider is a prequel to the original games and shows you how a timid teenage girl with a pine for adventure becomes that woman we all wanted (and let's be honest still want) to be.

But the game also really shows how things change in the world of computers. When I was six years old - Lara Croft was a pixelated cartoon. Her boobs were Madonna-esque triangles that were massively out of proportion to her enviously slender frame. She would dive and leap around tombs, shimmy across walls, backflip of them - and she wouldn't get a scratch. She would brave the artic in her signature vest and shorts without so much as a shiver. But we didn't care - because it was a game. It wasn't reality therefore the fact it wasn't real didn't bother us.

Games now are going the other way; pushing towards reality; and honestly, the new Tomb Raider captures that beautifully. As the game goes on, both through gameplay and cut scenes - Lara gets dirtier, scratched, and more generally rough looking. When the wind and snow come she visibly shudders, clutches her arms and draws herself in for warmth. The first time she takes a life she is violently sick and you can practically feel her emotion.  It's brilliant, because Lara is still kick-ass, but it's got you on emotional level too now. You're scared for her, concerned for her, and you're rooting for her; and not just because you want to complete the game.
Anyway, well worth a play, with lots of little hidden extras aside from the story that keep you going for hours.

I'll leave you with a quote from Ms Croft, though I'm pretty sure someone else said it before she did.

"Fluctuat nec mergitur -   she who is tossed by the waves but does not drown in them"

There's a lot of waves in my life right now. Good thing I can swim.