Memoirs Of A Graduate

So this is my first blog of 2013 – and honestly, 2013 has started on a bit of a low. But; as with all lows, it’s come with silver linings, but I will get to that.

So, the low? As most of you know I recently had surgery for my ongoing problem with my heart, relating to my condition. For those of you who didn’t know – the nutshell was I was over-releasing hormones you release when emotional which make your rib cage swell up. If it swells significantly it can cause extreme discomfort and potentially heart failure; something I was unlucky enough to experience twice over the last year. This surgery I had a mini version last August, but this year was a bigger, more serious op. It’s left me unable to go out; the smallest excursions leave me exhausted and alcohol is a strict no-no. In fact so is anything that affects your heart rate, so caffeine is also off the menu.  So – that’s the low of the year – those silver linings?

The first and most obvious is that this op has hopefully solved the problem. Despite the recovery period being a bit of a pain in the arse – one month off having a social life is better than social events for the rest of your life being ruined by your inability to remain conscious and ‘technically’ alive.

The second is that (and for not the first time) – the people in my life have overwhelmed me. The day after my op I was inundated with texts, facebook messages, voicemails from people just checking up on me. I’ve had people drop by to visit, and friends coming to take me out for a bit so I don’t go stir crazy. It’s a comforting feeling knowing that whatever’s going on there are people looking out for you, and looking after you. Once again, to these friends, I can’t thank you enough. I'm glad I know you!

The third and final positive outcome, is that it puts everything into perspective. Life really is short. Too short of meaningless drama. Too short for worrying about what people think of you. I am a worrier, and I’m a dweller. I can spend hours stewing over situations, scenarios, even words. In the past I’ve let people hurt me, and really taken it to heart. But now; I’ve only got one life, possibly one shorter than most. I want to spend it living – laughing, loving, happy. So, if you’re my friend? Come join me. If you’re not, if you’re one of those people I don’t like; then all I will say is this. There are not many people I dislike, and if you are one of the few, then there is a valid reason for my feeling that way. But that’s that, I don’t like you. End. I’m content to not know you, to treat you as a stranger and to pretend you’re not in my life, because I don’t want you to be. I don’t want trouble, or games, or rumours, or drama. It's actually exhausting. So I'm throwing in the towel, play on your own. All I want is positivity in my life now. 

So what does this year hold? Counselling is going amazingly well, it’s a job that just doesn’t seem like work. It’s a pleasure to do. Even though my current role is not a permanent position, there’s not a doubt in my mind that it’s what I want to spend my life doing. It might mean some more time in university, and I’m seriously considering completing a PHD in Counselling and Psychotherapy; but it will be well worth it, because it is so rewarding when people say "You've really helped me, you've really changed things for the better." 

I also have had a lot of photographers getting in touch about shoots. It’s funny; I thought I’d reached my peak in terms of modelling when I was younger. It was always a way to earn cash and fill free time when I was a student. Now that I’m earning, and have limited free time, I expected it to draw to a close – but I’ve had a massive amount of interest lately from some fantastic commercial and editorial names; plus some exciting more off the wall ideas with local photographers. I'm getting back underwater; back in the body paint, there's wigs galore  and some bespoke outfits too. It's all going to be very fun! As soon as I’m fit and well – I’m looking forward to getting back in front of the camera.

Some time off has allowed me to get back into my writing. I still kept up my blogs, and various reviews for magazines/websites that I do. But my real passion is fiction writing. Last year ’50 Shades of Grey’ hit the shelves and everyone was talking about it. So I jumped on the bandwagon, I picked up a copy, I read. It held my interest with the promise of forbidden erotica, and then completely failed to deliver. Despite the book supposedly being about a dom and his sub, 80% of the book was quite vanilla. Worst of all, it was so badly written. I’m not the best writer in the world, but I do think my writing ability surpasses that. Not to mention getting a book published is much easier now. So I’m going to give it a try - I am 21,496 words in to my book currently, with strong ideas of where I want it to go and how it’s going to pan out. Who knows what could happen; watch this space!

Finally, as I said – I want a life full of laughter, and happiness. Which means planning lots of things with the people who mean most to me. I’ve already got lots of look forward to; nights out, some parties, a university reunion, holidays, gigs, weddings; maybe even some travelling. Another step towards happiness means some change on my part.

I am far from perfect and I have many flaws. I’ve made many mistakes along the way, and done things I’m not proud of. Even things that leave me appalled at myself.  I’m not going to say that I'm going to become perfect because, no doubt, I will inevitably fuck up somewhere along the way.  But, I’m going to try harder, to be better. Really try and iron out the stuff I’m not proud of, the things about me I don’t like; and hopefully, it’ll leave for a happier me. A new me. A fresh start.

So with that in mind... 

Pleased to meet you, my names Sally. I’m a counsellor in training, and a human resources officer until I get there. I also dabble in writing and modelling. I like bunny rabbits, and songs I can sing badly too in the shower/car; especially Journey. I like cups of tea and baking cakes. I also like pints of cider, bottles of red, and banter. I like shoes and dresses and wigs and makeup. I like PS3 games and movies and taking pictures.  I want to live in Thailand, that place made me very happy. I like being happy, and most of all, I like the people who make me that way. Make sure you all stay put please? :)