Memoirs Of A Graduate

Someone gave me advice lately ...  ‘Don’t ever let anyone see your weak side, walk with your head held high, and stop caring.’

Now I appreciate what they were trying to say. But I had something of an epiphany walking down to Wetherspoons the other night. I was walking with my head up, high. Trying to wear a mask that I am strong, confident and happy right now.  Then, a single, well timed glance down at the pavement ... and I narrowly avoided stepping in dog shit. Had I kept walking with my head high, I would have gone right in it.

Now maybe I’m just being a vagina but I felt this had a certain amount of poetry to it. If you’re always wearing a mask, always hiding, never facing up to anything; you’re going to eventually land up in shit. You can’t run away from something that’s inside you.

I’m not saying you SHOULD sit there weeping or kicking off or giving into your emotions completely. I cover that in my last blog. But – you should acknowledge them; because as simple as it sounds, you feel things for a reason; and if you’re feeling angry, or sad, or hurt... then you’re feeling that way for a reason.  Look at it, address it. Try and make it better.

Right enough waffle I’m going to actually update you on life goings on for once. I will try and refrain from mentioning the bad and focus only on the good.

I haven't done any photoshoots in a while - partially because of illness, partially because of poor weather ruining location shots. But this weekend I have two, very different but equally exciting shoots to look forward to (watch this space), and then on Tuesday I will be in Liverpool for the Britain and Ireland's Next Top Model auditions. Now; I have no aspirations to be BINTM - sure the swanky pads and the money and the lifestyle would be lovely; but it also has a very short lifespan. Coupled with bitchy girls and getting so much negative feedback you'd end up with a complex - it just wouldn't be for me. So why am I bothering to even go down? You get a goody bag of free make up for one; and, I guess, curiosity. 

Due to an expensive month (I won't go in to it) I'm a little skint - but I am still just as much passionate about new clothes and tire easily of my wardrobe. So I decided to dig some old clothes out and make them into something new. I have tonnes of old corsets, basques, that are gorgeous but on there on are a bit blah. So I'm trying my hand at textiles and dress making. I'm no Sophia Tolli but my first dress is actually coming along kind of nicely. I'm having a bit of an issue with some of the stitching looking a bit scruffy but hopefully fixing that tonight - again, watch this space. 

Aside from maybe being a writer; most of you will know my passion for work lies in counselling. I like listening to people, being able to help. I seem to be good at it. A favourite past time has become offering advice to people on reddit and other forums and it's always nice when you get a private message expressing gratitude saying I really helped them. I guess I'm more motivated then ever to be a counsellor and so have taken up a course/placement with CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service). 

Not much else going on really. I have booked a few nights in Dublin to escape for a bit. There's this place; I used to go a lot when I was a kid. A waterfall in the middle of the country side, beautiful scenery, ... and at the top of the waterfall, is a rock, shaped like a bench. It's a good place to go and sit and think. 

And that is that. I shall try and update again with [hopefully] good news; and pictures of recent ventures.