This is my 100th post :) Honestly, I thought it would be than that the amount of time I seem to be pouring down the random thoughts that cross my mind. I've spent some time reading over my past blogs, there's a few fond memories, but a lot of them are just an awful lot of lady part waffle. So - thank you if you still are actually reading!

There’s an Example song at the moment; I only know it because it seems to be on the radio every time I climb in the car. Like many of his songs it’s incredible repetitive lyrics, which means the following has been drilled into me;

“You should keep your best friends close by, but keep your enemies closer.”

Now I have always thought this was bullshit, and honestly, I thought everyone thought it was bullshit. But lately I've realised watching people the amount of people who live by this rule. I don’t mean when you’re friends with someone to be courteous; often the case when your friend has a boyfriend/girlfriend you don’t like but you make the effort for their benefit (yes you all know you do it, I bet most of you have a person in mind!) But anyway, I mean full on, hating the person they spend every weekend going out with. I actually don’t know how it’s even do-able. I very much adopt a ‘if I don’t like them, I’ll do what I can to avoid them.’ approach.  Honestly, for the most part it work!

Anyway, a little life update.

Firstly and most importantly – I have secured a new placement. Not just any job, pretty much my dream job. From 5^th November I will be a Health and Wellbeing Psychological Practitioner – or basically, a counsellor. It’s private practice so I won’t necessarily be using the NHS client centred approach but incorporating a range of approaches which I prefer. A wider berth and less subjective. I’m just looking forward to it so much though – my office is a lovely cosy room; cliché couch and arm chair with dream catchers on the wall and a kettle in the corner. I can see myself being happy there; and most importantly, I’ll be doing something I’m passionate about. Due to lack of experience I'll be focussing on low secure clients; so things like relationship problems, general low mood; but still, I can't wait. 

Last week was a busy week; spent catching up with friends – old and new. Monday I went around to Liz’s new flat; I can’t help but feel excited for them because I remember my own excitement when I first moved out. It's such a major landmark in your life. Tuesday I headed out for Mexican with Jake and a few of his friends; getting to know new people is always nice; as are fajitas. Wednesday night was Wetherspoons and Stamps with a few lovely people – then Thursday I had a night off; place to myself, bubble bath and pampering; ready for the weekend.

 Friday was a brilliant night. A while ago Jennie suggested going to a comedy night from Groupon. It was £12 for a meal, wine and the comedy show – and honestly while I thought it would be a nice evening with friends doing something a bit different, I wasn’t expecting it to be great for so cheap. But it was fantastic. A slightly rocky start with a young boy who bless him was so nervous no one had the heart to heckle him. But after that it only got better and the final act, Jollyboat, left me in tears of laughter. After that we went on a bit of a bar crawl, and bar one horrible bint in Aloha (I won't get into it but she very narrowly avoid getting a slap!); I had a really brilliant night. I love trying new places, tried and tested is a safe option yes but after a while it does get boring; and I discovered Salt Dog Slims where they do chilli dogs and drinks made of popcorn! You can't go wrong there!

Then Saturday night was ‘unofficial’ Halloween and I threw a party in ours. I invited a lot of people, and for various reasons ranging from illness to working not many could make it. I was understanding of course, these things couldn't be helped but at first I was a bit disappointed. But the night proved that quantity is not everything, I had a fantastic night, good old fashioned drinking games and banter with a few wonderful people. 

I spent Sunday feeling very grateful for some of the people I have the pleasure of having in my life right now. 

That is all for now. One thing last week did manage to do it completely exhaust me; and possibly KO my kidneys – so for now I am off to bed!

Someone gave me advice lately ...  ‘Don’t ever let anyone see your weak side, walk with your head held high, and stop caring.’

Now I appreciate what they were trying to say. But I had something of an epiphany walking down to Wetherspoons the other night. I was walking with my head up, high. Trying to wear a mask that I am strong, confident and happy right now.  Then, a single, well timed glance down at the pavement ... and I narrowly avoided stepping in dog shit. Had I kept walking with my head high, I would have gone right in it.

Now maybe I’m just being a vagina but I felt this had a certain amount of poetry to it. If you’re always wearing a mask, always hiding, never facing up to anything; you’re going to eventually land up in shit. You can’t run away from something that’s inside you.

I’m not saying you SHOULD sit there weeping or kicking off or giving into your emotions completely. I cover that in my last blog. But – you should acknowledge them; because as simple as it sounds, you feel things for a reason; and if you’re feeling angry, or sad, or hurt... then you’re feeling that way for a reason.  Look at it, address it. Try and make it better.

Right enough waffle I’m going to actually update you on life goings on for once. I will try and refrain from mentioning the bad and focus only on the good.

I haven't done any photoshoots in a while - partially because of illness, partially because of poor weather ruining location shots. But this weekend I have two, very different but equally exciting shoots to look forward to (watch this space), and then on Tuesday I will be in Liverpool for the Britain and Ireland's Next Top Model auditions. Now; I have no aspirations to be BINTM - sure the swanky pads and the money and the lifestyle would be lovely; but it also has a very short lifespan. Coupled with bitchy girls and getting so much negative feedback you'd end up with a complex - it just wouldn't be for me. So why am I bothering to even go down? You get a goody bag of free make up for one; and, I guess, curiosity. 

Due to an expensive month (I won't go in to it) I'm a little skint - but I am still just as much passionate about new clothes and tire easily of my wardrobe. So I decided to dig some old clothes out and make them into something new. I have tonnes of old corsets, basques, that are gorgeous but on there on are a bit blah. So I'm trying my hand at textiles and dress making. I'm no Sophia Tolli but my first dress is actually coming along kind of nicely. I'm having a bit of an issue with some of the stitching looking a bit scruffy but hopefully fixing that tonight - again, watch this space. 

Aside from maybe being a writer; most of you will know my passion for work lies in counselling. I like listening to people, being able to help. I seem to be good at it. A favourite past time has become offering advice to people on reddit and other forums and it's always nice when you get a private message expressing gratitude saying I really helped them. I guess I'm more motivated then ever to be a counsellor and so have taken up a course/placement with CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service). 

Not much else going on really. I have booked a few nights in Dublin to escape for a bit. There's this place; I used to go a lot when I was a kid. A waterfall in the middle of the country side, beautiful scenery, ... and at the top of the waterfall, is a rock, shaped like a bench. It's a good place to go and sit and think. 

And that is that. I shall try and update again with [hopefully] good news; and pictures of recent ventures. 

I could start this blog talking about how shit everything feels at the moment and continue on the downward spiral driving you all away 'cus no one wants to be friends with that constantly miserable person who is always harping on about how the world is out to get them. Or karma. Or God. Whoever you feel the need to praise when it goes right but curse when it all goes to shit.

My last two blogs whined about how things aren't good for me right now; and while nothings really changed and things are very much shit - I am finally coming round to the following realizations:

• While a good cry sometimes make you feel better and gets it out your system; sitting sobbing for a week straight just leaves you dehydrated with a mess for a face. 

• Friends; good friends, will be around when you need them. But if you don't say thank you and instead keep up with the 'woe is me' attitude, they'll get urked. They'll probably still stick by you, but they'll also probably want to smush your already messed up face. 

• Constantly over thinking and over analysing everything you could have done differently to stop things going wrong only means you end up not sleeping; which means again, your face is a mess, and your also more emotionally vulnerable...  vicious cycle. It's also near fucking impossible to find an affordable concealer for the problem so basically resign yourself to the fact your going to spend the rest of your days as a panda. 

• Loosing your appetite just means you drop weight ridiculously quick - which okay a lot of people out there probably are wanting to do but it's not healthy and just don't do it, it really has no beneficial outcome and you end up fainting all over the place and having to purchase belts to hold your pants up. And I fucking hate belts. I'm also not overly fond of fainting. 

• The appetite thing also means that when you turn to alcohol; which in your state of misery is frequent and often - you get absolutely sloshed drinking very little. Money saver, yes. But dignity saver, no no. And cause of the whole emotional thing you'll probably cry easier and be 'that girl on the stairs' at every party. 

• You loose all drive to do anything. Which means you end up eventually not looking after yourself. Which leads to illness. And living in a pit. And looking a mess. Then your depressed about all these things.

• Expecting other people to handle a situation the way you would is only going to lead to disappointment. . Waiting around for the expected outcome is a waste of time and the longer you wait the more disappointed you'll get. Loose respect for them by all means, but do it quickly, and then move on. Waiting for your closure will have the opposite effect of giving you closure. 

• To summarize; wallowing is just one vicious cycle of being a skatty, skinny, drunk, and disappointed-   sad panda. 

Yes there's worse things in life I suppose; but there is also infinitely better things. So from now on I'm making a more conscious effort to appreciate when things do go right, to appreciate the people around me who are there; through the good times and especially the bad ones, and to man the fuck up, grow a pair and get on with my life. If I start whinging again then you all have permission to knee me in the bollocks I just grew.