Life’s little pleasures: listening to Final Fantasy piano collections and just lying on the couch. No matter what the mood they just make you so calm. I remember from the age of about seven upwards, if I ever couldn’t sleep I’d get my mp3 (or most likely Walkman in those days) and just listen and within minutes I’d drift off. I remember asking for the Aeris Theme Music Box, I wanted it so desperately. A music box is one of those weird little things without any real purpose but I don’t know, it’s just something I’ve always wanted – even now. However back then they were super rare and about £4000 and mum and dad felt beanie babies would suffice.  

Final Fantasy music is also one of the reasons I started playing keyboard, and I regret not pursuing that. But I guess thats the beauty of regretting stuff - it pushes you to do something, and there’s still plenty of time to learn properly.

 Though I will have less time soon. I finally managed to get a job. I’ll be working as a PCT assistant under a HR Manager for the NHS for the next few months, and then come September, assuming all goes well, be a Psychology Assistant. It’s exciting, I'd sort of got to a point where I was giving up hope on a career I'd enjoy and just settling for, well, anything. But it'll be good for me too, aside from the obvious like money and giving me something to do; it’ll help me appreciate free time better. Student life isn’t the best for doing that.

Anyway I’ve wrote a lot of blogs recently so I’ll keep this one short, plus I’m going to have an early night – I start my training tomorrow and the music is making me sleepy. Sweet dreams.

‘What’ and ‘if’. Two simple words that most of us use on a day to day basis. But put them together and it can be quite haunting.... What if?

It’s a question I used to ask myself a lot when I was younger. I had some difficult experiences in my past that weren’t easy to cope with, and I continually used to ask myself over and over... What if? What if I’d done something differently, I wouldn’t have to be suffering. I’d mentally beat myself up over it. It’s different now, sort of. There are still lots of things in my life I can ask ‘What if?’ too. Both major tragedies and minor blips. But nowadays I tend not to ponder it quite so much because I’ve forced myself to believe everything happens for a reason. It’s a notion that helps me cope with most of the bad things in my life including probably the most painful.

 It can also be a positive though. Today I hurt my back and at one point I was lying on the floor unable to move. For those of you who’ve heard the story of me breaking my neck, it was similar to this. My mind started racing.... “What if I can’t get up again, ever.” My whole future of graduating, employment, walking up an aisle, having a baby... living my life. There was a horrible jolt of, ‘What if I can’t do all the things I dream of in life...?’

 Maybe it was overreacting but still it motivated me, enough to get up. It was agonising yes but I forced myself to stand and get to the phone. I wouldn't let myself remain injured or get worse, I'd make sure I got help. So there are some benefits to it, yeah normally its, regret. But it can be a brilliant motivator.

So readers, maybe it’s worth thinking about now. What if ... the worst happened. Not to be too morbid but, if you were injured, killed – but aware, what would you regret NOT doing. Telling someone how you feel, treating yourself to that new thing, phoning up someone you miss, trying that thing you're scared to do. If there’s something you can think of, anything at all, then I’ve got another two words for you.

Why wait?

Firstly, I’d just like to open with a note. I haven’t been talking shit about you. I haven’t been slagging you off, making up rumours about you. I haven’t even talked about you... and if I have, then you’ll know, because I’ve done it to your face. Because if I have a problem with you, I tell you, and you’ll know about it; and more often than not I only have a problem with you because you’ve done something to justify that. So maybe get you’re act together, stop being such a nutter, a bullshitter, hurting people I care about or general acting out. Clear? Good, because I don’t want any more whiny little texts/messages/or hearing from friends about things I’ve apparently said about you. Cheers ʘ‿ʘ

Now moving swiftly on to greener pastures, I realised I started this blog two years ago with a little questionnaire; and quite a bit has changed since. So I figured for people I haven’t spoke to as often as I’d like I’d do another little intro quiz thing to update everyone who cares ...

NAME

Ok that hasn’t changed. Still Sally, no new additions, alterations, no new nicknames either. Recent pic of me. Hair's been pretty similar for a while and I do want a change I just can't decide what. In terms of colour there isn't much I haven't done already, my brain is still romancing with the idea of short hair but thinking maybe wait til after Graduation at least, just in case.


AGE

21. Hasn’t really hit me yet I don’t think. Though I don’t think it’s a birthday that changes you. I grew up when I moved into my own place and had to fend for myself. Being able to cook, take care of yourself, I think that’s what it’s more about. If always comes as a shock when I see people my age from school or wherever who still are incapable of making so much as beans on toast.

LOCATION
Still Liverpool. I live in a lovely flat in the city centre. Up until quite recently I always sort of firmly believed I’d stay in Liverpool forever but more recently I’ve been more open to moving. I’ve had job offers in London and a few other cities across the UK but honestly, I think my hearts more set on moving abroad.

OCCUPATION

At the moment I’m in a limbo of employment. No longer a full-time student I can’t just throw that down as my label. I still do freelance modelling which I enjoy very much but I earn nowhere near enough to match living costs. The problem these days is too many people are ‘models’. They do photo shoots for free and so photographers will happily go, “Do I pay £200 + to this girl, or use this one who’ll do it for free, for just a CD of the photos.” Well its common sense really and I can’t say I blame them. So whereas a year or so ago I’d be doing 1-2 paid jobs a month, at the moment business is a little slow. I also dabble in writing and am a freelance writer for Elite Magazine. My area is music which is okay, I’d prefer to have free reign over my writing but for a first job in it I’m more than happy and it’s just nice to have work published and recognised.

Other than that I’ve just graduated with a 2:1 with Honours in Psychology and Biology. I’m looking to go into the field of Psychology; Psychology Assistant work preferably. Fingers crossed I’ll get something, preferably in the NHS. I’d like to work for Health, at least then I can sort of feel like I’m helping people.


PARTNER

Jake and I are still together and approaching our three year anniversary. It seems longer than three to be honest, especially considering how fast they’ve gone with everything else. But I’m so happy, and I can’t imagine him not being there. The last year we’ve lived together which is always a trial for couples, but we’ve managed wonderfully and our biggest problems have come from other people in our lives, not one another.

I think we've got the whole co-exisitng thing down. We CAN be coupely, all over each other and mushy. But it doesn't have to be. We can be in a room at a party and hardly speak to each all night, and it's nice to know you can depend on someone, but not have to depend on them.

PETS

Simba the bunny is still going strong (and very large).

FRIENDS
When people ask me who my best friend is I say Jake. I think that’s true of most couples though. When you’re with someone who knows you better than anyone, all your thoughts, secrets, desires, who you can be completely yourself with – how can you not call them your best friend? Regardless of being lovers or not.

Outside that I don’t really call anyone ‘best’. I know some amazing people who I really gel with, and I’m not going to sit here reeling off my friend list because if you’re in it you already know. I do anything for them and I think they know that too, I go as far out of my way as I need to for the people I care about. The list is considerably smaller than perhaps a few years ago but to be honest I’m much happier this way. Having a few awesome people who make me happy, make me laugh; is a million times better than a massive group of friends with no real bonds.

Just times like these....

 

ABOUT ME

I really don’t know what to say here; I’m really happy in life right now. There’s a lot of uncertainty, especially in terms of career. I have no idea where I’ll end up or what I’ll end up doing. Financially I’m nearly completely broke; which yeah, it’s always a worry but I’m trying not to let it bother me too much. Money always becomes available, one way or another. It can always be found. Happiness isn’t always found so I’d rather focus all my energy on that than money.

As I mentioned earlier I’ve finished University. The whole being finished thing still hasn’t hit me. I feel like next September I’ll just be going back and doing it again. I think once I get a job and a routine it will feel more real, but at the moment I’m not doing much of anything so it doesn’t feel like anything’s changed. Or maybe I have to wait until my graduation ceremony – which I’m really looking forward to now I’ve actually passed.

I think I've covered 'the essentials' so to speak. I don't want to bore any readers if I haven't already with vagina waffle and the goings on of my life, most of you know already I just figured I'd update the about me a little since rather a bit has changed, but saying that, a lot has stayed the same, and I'm pretty happy with that.