I’ve never been particularly lucky. Well, in one sense. I have a roof over my head, dinner on my table, nice clothes, a mobile phone, computers. I have lovely friends and a lovely boyfriend and a family who support me. So yes, in that sense I am lucky. I’m on however about statistically. If there’s potential for something bad happening, it will happen to me.
The perfect example of this is my recent dental experience; as you may have been reading I’ve had several root canals on my tooth which has had various root complications. Then last weekend I found myself in agony. Worse than any pain I’d experienced in my life; worse than broken ribs, broken neck. I was throwing up from it. I checked myself in hoping at this point they would just rip the tooth out, I didn’t care anymore I wanted it gone. Then they told me I had blood poisoning. The tooth had got so badly infected it had contaminated my blood stream..... something that occurs in 1% of cases of root canal. 1%. And it happens to me.
It’s not the first time in my life this has happened. In fact there’s a long list of illnesses that have occurred as a result of an ‘unlikely side-effect’. I can’t get jabs because I’m that one in ten thousand who gets the symptoms of the illness. My TB tester had me bed-ridden for two weeks. I don’t go out in thunder storms because I will be the person who gets struck by lightning. I’m a walking statistic.
It’s not helping my mood of late. Other stuff is contributing, work is the same, and though I still can’t get into what’s going on online for professional reasons, a lot of friends now know what’s happening and so know it’s not getting any better. The icing on the cake is someone I thought I was close to, someone I would have gone so far to say was one of my best friends, who I was always there for has demonstrated in reality our relationship was quiet one-sided. When I needed them they were not there for me. That’s been a massive blow and something I’m still upset over.
I realise this blog just sounds like me having a massive whiny moan, and yeah I guess part of is. Sorry if you we’re looking for something intellectual or thought provoking. There’s some positive stuff going on in life too, don’t get me wrong. We’ve been house hunting, to buy. That’s super exciting. Slightly nerve-wracking. Between buying a house, reinsuring my car and all the road-tax, petrol extras I’m expecting to be financially raped sideways. It’s making me super cautious about spending money, I haven’t bought a dress in a few months and I seriously resisted some new shoes in town yesterday. I guess the whole blood poisoning thing is saving me a lot of money on alcohol too so that’s good. Always a silver lining. It’s overwhelming but I guess in one way it’s the benefit of having something like Facebook. You can see what people you went to school with are doing, seeing them get married, having babies, and it makes it all seem a little less scary..... a little. It's exciting too, I'm just going to try and focus on that.
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