Memoirs Of A Graduate

I’m sitting in tonight when I should be out catching up with friends because I had another root canal session today. This is the third session and by the end of it, face fat and swollen, jaw aching; I’m wishing I’d opted for extraction at the start of the treatment. One swift tug and I wouldn’t be going through all this pain. I have another to go still and part of me is wondering, what did I do to deserve this?

Saying that, I don’t believe in karma. The reason being that the people who tend to believe in karma are good people who bad things have happened to and they hold out for something good. They hold out for watching the arseholes who have fucked them over to get hit by a bus.  If karma really existed then bad things wouldn’t happen to good people in the first place; and not all bad people get their comeuppance.

I’m not saying I don’t believe life has a plan – I do think everything happens for a reason I just don’t think it’s based on a good/bad divide.

Life has been a bit rough lately. Not really life, just work; but given the percentage of my life taken up by it, I guess it feels like it’s impacting on everything. I won’t go into it in depth for several reason, professionalism being one; but in short, its down to a situation where a bad person is fucking over nice people and getting away it.

‘Nice’. We went out for drinks a few weeks ago and a friend (well more Jake’s friend but I do consider him highly) told me he didn’t really know me too well, except that I was super nice. It's not how I'd define myself, butI guess as things go I am nice. I try to be helpful, I go the extra mile for people if they need it. I’m not big on confrontation and the only time I really fight and get aggressive about things is if I’m defending someone. The only problem with being ‘nice’ is a lot of people tend to take advantage. They get under the impression you’re a doormat if you’re nice.  A lot of the people actually reading this now are probably said people (a remarkable thing about this blog is people don’t realise the owner gets to see whose reading, and often the results surprise me. If you’ve tried to cut me out your life, then why are you still keeping up with mine?) But back to the point; being nice is good except when people take advantage. Like in work.

So I wanted to recreate myself in that respect. I’m not going to suddenly turn into an arsehole, but I don’t want people to think they can take advantage either. But you can’t just change your personality and expect people to work it out. You can’t just boost your confidence and expect them to notice. A new look however. I puzzled at what I could do. In terms of hair colour – I’ve already been virtually every colour under the sun. None of these looks really scream confidence – maybe bright colours but then I had to consider work. Fuschia pink or electric blue doesn’t really say ‘HR Officer’. I contemplated several tattoos, a big pin-up girl was the main idea. But then again I had to consider work – in modelling unless I went down the route of Alt-Girls that would hinder me.  Dress sense was an option but to be honest, I’m rather fond of my current wardrobe. Then I started looking at haircuts. When you’re a hair model – you don’t really have a say in what the hairdresser does. They need a look for their books, and they give you that look and you don’t have a say.

I gave Hooka hair creative control. They had a style consultant and a colour consultant, so I knew they’d provide a look that would match my shape/skin tone. Watching them chop locks of my hair off I was wincing; but there was no going back. And I’m not a shallow person, looks aren’t everything. But it’s true when you look good on the outside, you feel good on the inside. A new look can give you confidence and power; and I’m hoping that’s what it’s done for me.

Colours next month and the proper shoot photos, watch this space :)