Memoirs Of A Graduate

I'm finally starting to see light at the end of the tunnel. Things aren’t perfect; or at least, as back to normal as they could be, but they’re starting to clear. Stuff at work is getting back to normal, the insanity will soon be over. That’s the biggest relief.

I think going away helped enormously. Two days doesn’t sound like much at all but two days being away from absolutely everything; with nothing but shops to go to, bars to drink at and just free time to fill how I wanted – it was nice. It was exactly what I needed. I let myself go a bit too. Normally I’m quite sensible when it comes to spending money. I’ll go over money in my head and work it all out. But I decided to be a little selfish, I’ve worked hard for the money I had, and I was going to treat myself to things okay maybe I didn’t necessarily need, but certainly wanted. It turns out really spoiling yourself every now and then is good therapy.

 Something else worked too. Counselling. I’m not actually ashamed to admit I went; I’ve wanted to be a counsellor for the best part of my life so why wouldn’t I believe it worked; and it did. It was so refreshing to talk to someone with no pre-conceptions of anything in my life. She was smart; one of the first things she said to me upon walking in was “I can tell insecurity when a 5’9 girl stands at 5’7. Whether she actually knew my height or whether she just took a lucky guess is unknown, but it impressed me she noticed. She analysed me quicker than I’d had a chance to introduce myself; and she absolutely nailed it. Somehow without any coaxing from her I found myself saying more than I had intended. I’d gone for work and instead it got really personal. But it wasn’t awkward. I guess that’s the problem talking to friends, they usually know the person you’re talking about and it’s difficult to not be bias. But this woman was a blank canvas.

I left feeling inspired. She gave me a new perspective on a lot of situations; and she reminded me why I had wanted to be a counsellor in the first place. HR isn’t my niche after all I don’t think. I don’t suit being ‘hard-faced’. It’s just not me.  So new direction, and okay yeah, one hour in a room with a stranger isn't going to change anything. Neither is two days abroad. But they're helping hands and I'm getting on with it. 

A little less on the emotional side of things - life's been pretty quiet lately. There was Dublin obviously; a nice getaway. Not the best weather for a 'holiday' but lots of shopping and Jake seemed to get a kick out of going around the Temple Bar which is very music prominent. While he got that I got shopping and treated myself to new leather boots, the Urban Decay Book of Shadows, bunny pyjamas and a few other bits. It was nice to see family too. My Liverpool family is my mum, my dad, my brother (and even now he lives in Derby). It's small. Most of my family live in Dublin. A few are scattered about; Australia and Spain, but Dublin's the epicentre. It was nice spending time with them; and getting to introduce Jake to some of them. It seems mad that for someone to be such a massive part of my life, perhaps the biggest part; for more than three years of my life, that some of my family have never even met him. We got some nice piccies of the trip I'll put up tomorrow. 

Today was nice too. I saw my oldest friend. Granted she was in work and I just dropped in, but ten minutes of chatting left me on a high. Through all this madness lately I seem to have fallen out of the social loop, I can't wait to get back to seeing people because god help me I miss them, a lot. But until the next mad one out, or even the next quiet one or two .....

I'll take comfort in my new slippers.