I'm having a hair dilemna. I hate my hair at the moment. The colour bores me. The style irritates me. Its just.. blah. So, I'm trying to figure out what I want to do to it. Part of me is contemplating a really short cut but then I'm quite a wuss and I'm scared a) I won't like it b) I'll look like a man. Plus I'm quiet girly, I wear dresses alot and I dont think it'll suit the hair.

Saying that long hair irritates me too, it takes ages to dry, ages to style. So, I'm taking it out of my hands and leaving it to you people.

Styles A & B .... the short hair.

Style C ... medium length, still fairly short but not quite as much

Or just grow it nice and long, but grow my fringe out too? Sort of, Cheryl Cole -esque, because I'll be keeping the dark brown colour whatever style I end up choosing.

Ok, apologies, again. I'm a terrible blogger who doesn't keep up to date with anything. Sorry sorry sorry.

However, ok I have officially finished second year of university (eep) and don't have a job at the moment so should be free to keep this as regular as I can.

So yeah like I said, second year is over and done with. Scary stuff it seems to have flown by. I guess its good exams and stuff are out the way but I'm kind of bummed out. After Christmas we all said, 2010 was just gonna be the best year, we'd go out, do loads of stuff. And times gone so fast that we just have hardly done anything!!!

Now this week everyone's leaving and it's got me feeling so sad that a) we won't be living together next year b) Summer back at home is going to be long and drive me insane. c) It's all just gone so fast.

On the bright side we did get to go to Alton Towers yesterday which was so much fun!!! Because its still term -time and was a Monday, the park was absent of annoying children and so queues weren't too long which meant we got a chance to go on every main ride. The new ride Thirteen is class, starts as a normal rollercoaster and then you drive into a building. The coaster stops and you assume its going to restart to go through the doors infront, next thing you know its pitch black and your dropping down. As you land the cart suddenly pulls you backwards and your clinging on for dear life rushing backwards down a helix in the dark, screaming your head off til you come back out into the open daylight and the cart freezes again. There you are, outside the starting point. Highlight of the ride had to be turning around in my cart and seeing flatmate Conor behind me, pale white, shivering, and when he saw me look, meekly mumuring "I've just pooed."  So funny.

So, next on my list of things to do this summer :

• Get a job
• Find a flat
• Get re-insured on the car

I had a job interview today already, Rock Chic, a modelling gig basically promoting girls to play guitar. Even if I do get it though it won't be a secure regular thing so I'll need to find something else to do. Hopefully some sort of care worker so I can get more Psychology experience!!

Anyway, I'll leave it at that for now. Updates soon.

I know I promised more recent updates but damn, life is kicking my ass at the moment. Its funny because with Jake's newish job, I feel like I do have a lot more time to myself. Well, we definetly seem to spend less time together and yeah I miss it and I miss him not being there all the time but I guess it's accepting that that's very much the real world.

But yeah, all this time to myself you'd think I could be doing everything I want. That everything I need to do would be done and sorted like that. But it seems the opposite at the moment. Exams are looming and I haven't picked up a textbook to revise because I've been too busy rushing to finish coursework before deadlines. I keep panicking about all the stuff approaching in the future that I don't even seem to focus on the present.

My 20th birthday has been and gone and generally I did enjoy the easter holidays, had some good nights out with girlfriends and Jake and his family and stuff. I know it sounds stupid but I do feel older being 20. Stepping out of the teenage years really has hit me how much I've actually grown up. It won't even be that long before uni is finished, second years already pretty much out the way bar a few exams.

But yeah I don't want this blog to be all moaning. I do feel a bit free-er lately as well. Like generally happier inside. I'm not saying everythings perfect. No, I wish I had less work, or else more time to do it. I wish I had more money. I wish Jake could earn money and still spend the day with me. I wish I didn't suffer backache like an old woman and could steal deal with a hangover after a night out. But then, I'm still happy. I'm content with life and there's a lot of positives, lots to look forward to. I'm young. I'm two-thirds of the way to a degree. I have a great boyfriend and lovely friends around me.

So yeah, I can't promise when I'll next update with all the hectiness around me but I shall do my best to make it soonish. And I'll try get pics up too!

Ok so I'm so behind with keeping this blog up to date it's unreal!!

First of all, Jake's 21st has been and gone. The Saturday was a brilliant night and Jake seemed to really enjoy himself too which was most important. His cousin Lindsey came down from Cambridge with her new baby Noah, he was such an adorably cute baby and he made me feel slightly better in terms of chances of being a good mother because amazingly I didn't drop him!!

After that things have been reasonanly quiet. University has now finished for good except for exams, I got the timetable today and it's put the fear of God in me. I never understand why they seem to group the same subjects together so that your exams run consecutively. They all take place over the space of a month and a half so they could quite easily be spread out allowing sufficient revision time and your brain not to get scrambled, but instead I'm stuck with three in a row and then after 3 days, another 3 in a row. Meh! :(
It's this point in the year I kick myself wishing attendance had been better.

Although I'm not 20 yet, my flatmate Paul and I decided to celebrate our birthday early given everyone was going home for Easter. We had a fancy dress party in the flat followed by a night out in the Krazyhouse. It was a good night, but not the best probably because there wasn't very many of my actual close friends there. It was primarily Paul's friends. Nevertheless I had a good time.

So now its the Easter holidays and I'm attempting to plan out revision alongside my birthday, general social life and job hunting for when I'm done with exams. I sort of have a job lined up ready with Jake's cousins girlfriend BUT I'm really craving modelling again. I know that sounds odd but I just really feel like someone doing my hair and makeup and banging me in some gorgeous outfit. Hopefully I can find something!

I'll try add pictures asap and update this more often too!

Secrets

I've spent the majority of the morning being lazy, sitting at my computer and reading PostSecrets.

What's that you ask? Well its a website and a series of books of postcards people have wrote confessing their secrets. Have you seen the "Dirty Little Secret" video by AllAmericanRejects? That's full of them.

PostSecret - this is the site they're at if your interested.

Anyway I've been reading the site and there's something about it that makes you feel good about yourself. Not in a ... "haha look at you freaks way"... for me its more, "I guess I'm not the only one who feels so insecure". Its amazing how many of the secrets I've read and my hearts skipped because either now, or at one point in my life, its something I've felt.

Anyway the point I've realised is you should try and remember you don't really know anything about the people around you, even your closest friends. You don't know how their really feeling deep down or what they're having to deal with. Only about three people know my biggest secret and even then I only really wanted one person to know it just got out. I wouldn't tell anyone else.

But weirdly enough, I think I'd like to put it on PostSecret, theres something ... relieving about anomously confessing. If you do go on, see if you can guess which one is mine. ;)

March 1st - Rabbits!

March has rolled around fast. I would say 'too' fast but I have been really excited about March so I guess I can't really complain. I just feel like, I had so much to do before it came round, and I've got nothing done. In less than two weeks its Jake's 21st. Two weeks after that I'm 20. And two weeks after that. I'll no longer be a second year student. I'll be on my way to third year. That's kind of horrible too. Third year. My final year at university, when it seems like yesterday I was only just starting. Same goes for everything though. It doesn't seem that long ago I walked into the Ferndale and laid eyes on an eighteen year old boy, and now he's twenty one. It doesn't seem that long ago we were just starting, the constant texting, the sneaking kisses and first I love you's. Now we're planning to live together. I guess it makes me happy in some respects but its still scary how quick its all gone.

It won't be long before I graduate really. That makes me feel giddy. For more reason than one :)

Anyway I'm rambling about nothing now, so an actual blog topic. I've decided to go with cheating because its something that's been in the media a lot lately. Primarily Cheryl Cole being the main story but other minor celebrities too. Cheating's something I'm passionate about. (not in a good way.) To me, it should be a punishable offence. And I don't just mean getting a slap from your girlfriend/boyfriend sort of punishment. I'd rather shoplift than cheat. Because at least with stealing, no one really gets hurt. Not on the same scale as the devastation and humilation of the person you love betraying you. Not to mention, love, is something that should make you happy, should drive you to devote yourself to that one person in your life. If you cheat, chances are you either never where in love, or have fallen out of it. That's why I don't think I'd be capable of cheating, I couldn't hurt someone I love that bad. I wouldn't have the heart.

It must be worse for Cheryl Cole though. Because its not something she can keep under wraps. Everybody knows about her humiliation. And everyones encouraging her to break up with her husband, if she chooses not too, she'll probably be branded a fool. In my opinion she should break up with him, because hes turned around and said he's not really done anything wrong. And that's what gets me.

There's two type of people in this world. Good people who do bad things, and bad people. I have a knack for being able to tell which one a person is. The good people are the people who do make mistakes, they're not perfect and they slip up, but they admit it. They know they're wrong and they'll either try to make it right or make up for it. Bad people do wrong and then regard their behaviour as acceptable. Their the sort of people who go out with the intention of cheating, rather then getting too drunk and messing up. There the sort of people who brag about what they've done to their friends and would only apologise to their partner if they got found out; and usually their forgiven and go out and do the same because they can get away with it.

I used to know quite a few bad people but it became increasingly obvious they don't make good friends. They're selfish, two-faced and stubborn. So I've decided to make a point of avoiding them. I'm not saying the people in my life are perfect. But like me, their good people. They might be a bad friend one day, but they'll apologise. They might mess up. But they'll make it right. They'll feel the guilt that comes with doing wrong. And the shame. And that, will be the deterent so they don't make the same mistakes over.

Lets just hope I'm as good at telling the difference as I think I am!

The List

Right so it’s just come to my attention that I only have four weeks of lectures before my second year at university is over. I haven’t worked out quite how this happened, it seems like yesterday I was starting at a fresher, and now I’m nearly two thirds of the way through. Before I know it I’ll be graduating!


Anyway, three and a bit months of summer is gonna be upon me soon and I think rather than spending it working and wasting away the days, I want to accomplish things. Hence, “The List”. This is gonna be a list of 35 things I want to accomplish in 2010, kind of like resolutions, more a “to do” list. Hopefully trying to complete the list will help me conquer my boredom. I’ll keep referring back to it in future blogs as well as coming back to this one to tick of the ones I’ve achieved.

1. Find a new flat for 2010/2011 year.

2. Pass all my exams this year with a 2.1 or higher.

3. Get a new job I actually enjoy.

4. Go on holiday somewhere new.

5. Decorate a room.

6. Sort out my music on my i-pod.

7. Organise my wardrobe/drawers.

8. Complete the Final Fantasy Games VII – XII again (0/6)

9. Eat at a real sushi bar.

10. Eat at a Teppanyaki restaurant.

11. Try a food I’ve never had before.

12. Try a cocktail I’ve never had before.

13. Have a BBQ on the beach.

14. Try and go on a proper date with Jake at least once a month.

15. Start writing letters to the friends and family I never see.

16. Start my own recipe book.

17. Go out and take random pictures around Liverpool.

18. Get re-insured on the car and drive somewhere across the country.

19. Learn a complete dance with all the steps. (Riverside doesn’t count.)

20. Experiment with hair and makeup more often.

21. Get a new tattoo/piercing.

22. Get in touch with someone you used to be close to but who’s become a stranger.

23. Go to a gig where I know all the words.

24. Finish my novel.

25. Keep my diary up to date.

26. Get my eyebrows threaded.

27. Have sex in a public place.

28. Every week put £2 in a pot. Don’t spend the money until there’s something I really want.

29. Keep my room and bathroom tidy.

30. Say yes as much as possible.

31. Stay out all night.

32. Have a pamper day at least once a month.

33. Do something romantic once a week.

34. Go camping.

35. Throw Jake an amazing 21st, make sure he has a great night.