Given that I’ve seen at least 50 status’ about Marley and Me over the past few weeks I figured I’d give it a watch. Now, this film is described as a comedy with a sad but, let’s face it, predictable ending. And yes, despite knowing the inevitability of the dog’s fate; I cried. I cried like a little bitch. However the general issue I had with the film was the labelling it a ‘comedy’.  It’s about a newly-wed couple and their life. It’s sweet in parts but it’s actually got some very harsh realities from career problems, money problems, domestic disputes. I guess if any credit should be given to the film, it should be for realism and honesty. I guess it portrays life perfectly, because even a happy couple have spats and problems along the way. But is that really what people want to see in a film. Especially one dubbed ‘comedy’. Aside from the two major tragedies I cried at, it left me feeling...well for one put me of getting a dog but I guess...  dread?

I’m at that stage in my life now where houses as a more permanent fixture. Settling down and buying a place. But even though we’ve calculated things like payments and account for bills and tax – it’s still pretty terrifying the thought of having a mortgage. Exciting, but scary. I think I’m just excited to have my own place that I can decorate.

With that in mind I went to Laura Ashley last weekend. Shops like that always make me wish I was an interior designer. I fall in love with colour schemes and wallpaper patterns and start envisioning how I’d decorate rooms with them. Then Jake told me I could decorate our new bedroom ... creative control; to a point anyway. I’m sure there would be objections if I wanted a baby pink Barbie room, though Jake knows I’m not into that so probably trusts me. So anyway with this in mind I headed down to ikea. I’ve settled on a colour scheme now I just needed some furniture and a bit of decoration; I’ve still got my paintings from Thailand which are going up, and now all I need really is time to do it all.

Time is the one thing I feel like I don’t have enough of at the moment. I’m hoping though I can be a bit less of a recluse once the big move is complete. If I’m honest, life now is pretty good going and the only thing missing is a bit more time out, and seeing more of the people I miss. I get that back, and there’s not a lot I don’t have.

 On that note it’s probably time to get back to packing and moving. Next blog update I’d imagine will be next week when I’m in my new house, hopefully decorating complete.  Fingers crossed.

I was so tired in work today I'm still trying to work out if I was completely conscious. My body sat at my desk typing. My eyes watched the screen as my fingers danced across the keyboard. But I have no idea what I did all day - my mind was just elsewhere, pondering everything. The past, and the future. Things that have happened, and things that maybe/could/should happen.

Mainly I thought about the last three years. This time three years ago, I was getting ready to start at Leeds University in September. I was all excited about going to uni, meeting new people. Then I saw a person I already knew, just in a different light. We got closer, we fell in love. My whole plan changed dramatically and next thing I knew I was starting uni at Liverpool, new boyfriend by my side. The memory's so clear in my head it seems like such a short time ago, certainely not three years.

I still marvel to this day about ... people meeting for the first time, or even just dating. How does that transition happen? I mean, I know the first time I laid eyes on Jake, the first time I spoke to him, even the first time I kissed him, I would never, ever have called that three years on we'd be living in our own flat together? Definetly not. I guess what I'm trying to say is life often turns out in ways we don't expect. I still struggle sometimes with grasping how my life has turned out. Not in a bad way, just curious. I've gone through changes more in the past three years than really the rest of my life.

New friends obviously being a major. University is a sure fire way to meet new people. Some people I've met have become my best friends. Others, came and went. I think when your forced to live with strangers, it doesn't always work out. You try hard at first to get on, but eventually you realise forcing something rather than letting it happen naturally isn't a good way for things to happen. We become friends with people we're attracted to be friends with. I've left that chapter having had a fair number of fall-outs, but more importantly, meeting some people who I really hope will remain in my life for good.

That's another thing that blows my mind ... friendship. Bar one, consistent through life from primary school to adulthood friend, my first best friends were high school years; and thinking back I would genuinely think back then - 'we will be friends forever'. That sounds awfully corny but it was true. They felt like my sisters. I don't speak to them now. Life just separated us. But then other people I barely knew at that time have become the new people I want in my life 'forever' ... or at least for the long term forseeable future. I mean thinking about it I didn't even know Charlotte this time last year. I might have heard her name down the grapevine or seen Facebook wallposts on mutual friends, but I didn't know her. I certainley didn't expect to end up flatmates - and very contented, happy flatmates.

Life just is.... one big surprise. Full of changes. It used to be something I've always dreaded. Change. If I'm content then why do things have to have to change? But then, the more I think about it, I was content in high school. I DID have great friends who I had great times with. But now? I'm more than content. I'm happy. I have an amazing boyfriend, amazing friends who I just have... the best times with. I didn't think I wanted to leave uni but ... I'm really enjoying 'real world' life. And yeah, eventually, the change will happen that won't be good, things can't keep getting better forever. But I guess the expression 'life is like a rollercoaster' is true. Things get better (the roller coaster goes up) ... but you're frightened because you know the drops coming. But after the drop comes the adrenaline rush. And let's me honest.... a flat rollercoaster would get boring. The loops make life more interesting.

Just maybe not... THIS many.

So, it's official. I graduated yesterday and am officially no longer a student. It's kind of daunting I guess, I've been so used to giving myself that label, hell I've spent the past fourteen years as a student so the transition out of educaton is a little scary. But saying that, I love my new job. I love the nine to five routine, doing stuff that’s actually productive. I love knowing I’ve made a difference with my day that something I've worked on has contributed to something, somewhere. I like being the one to come home to Jake and having missed him.  I like knowing I actually have an income. Sure the time thing is taking some getting used to, but it's helping me be more diligent because I'm appreciating my free-time more.

Overall the transition is a good one.

Graduation itself was overall a nice day. Tiring, and a little dull in some parts, but nice. I was up early to go get my hair done, which was long overdue anwyay. I wasn't brave enough to get it cut super short like I've been thinking about lately - but I got it done so its a little more exciting.

Then was the process of getting my gown - which involved a lot of safety pins and kirby grips to keep the damn thing on me. Then pictures, lots of pictures. Followed by the actual ceremony - two hours of sitting crammed in a small space with 600 other 'graduands' waiting to go up on stage and shake a couple of peoples hands. Like I say, that part was a little dull  - but still nice. It was as I was standing in the queue to go on stage, amongst course mates I'd spent the last three years with; that it all really hit me. It seemed like yesterday we were meeting for the first time, enjoying freshers week, pissing about in lectures, late night revision sessions, working on coursework together. Suddenly we were there, waiting to get our diplomas - it was all over - in the space of 50 seconds walking across a stage, I was a student no more.

The ceremony ended with a procession of students through the cathedral. I say procession, that implies more order. 600 boiling hot, sweaty cloaked people cramming into an ailse rushing to get out into fresh air. In honesty it must have looked hilarious.

Following this more pictures, the cliche throw the hat, and then everyone split off with families for a meal. I had a lovely meal; Il Forno restaurant with my parents, Jake and my brother Tim - the meal was gorgeous, and just the general evening was nice. Everyone got on, it wasn't arkward like I'd been worrying.

Overall it was a nice day - not perfect and some things have left me a little 'meh'. But familial wise I'm really happy. I have a very generous family, got some lovely things, gorgeous earrings, a DSLR camera, and a lot of money. It's certainly lifted some of my worries about finances.

So I'm facing the future with positivity. Today is the first day of the rest of my life, no longer as a student, but as a graduate. It's scary as hell, but over the past three years I've become more grounded. I've got my good friends around me to keep me calm, and most importantly, the one constant in my life these past three years, and the person I've always been able to turn to.

So keep reading... and hopefully my memoirs as a graduate will be as good a read as memoirs of a student, if not more :)

Well first things first I officially started the new job on Monday, and it’s great. The office is really nice, chilled back with good company. I actually really am enjoying it, more than I thought I would.

Truth be told I don’t even think it’s the actual work I’m doing because that’s monotonous – but I think it’s the sense of purpose it’s giving me. I know the tasks I’m doing – as dull as they are, are contributing to the team, sometimes quite significantly – I manually transferred over an entire database of employees today which is a big job. Not just the work the general, having something to get up for, granted I’m knackered but I’m not minding the early mornings because I have somewhere to go – and its definitely making me appreciate the time I do have off more – I’m using it more productively.

 It’ll make things like days off more special too, and I can appreciate time spent with Jake more since there’s already less of it. He’s working the late shift this week so when I leave for work he’s still in bed, and when he gets in, I’m getting into bed.

Unfortunately my career happiness has been overshadowed a bit by someone really disappointing me. I’m not going to go into depth and detail of the whole situation, but I just can’t stop feeling that I can put so much into a friendship – been a shoulder to cry on, been supportive completely despite my own opinions only to have it thrown back in my face and told I’m a ‘bad friend’ when I try look out for someone. Well all I can say to that is, you can call me a lot of things; I am not a perfect person and I have many flaws, but one thing I am is a damn good friend and if you’re in that selective group of people I give a shit about then you should know this. I hardly ever put myself first, and really the only person who does come first is Jake – but that’s not a “Ooh putting your boyfriend before your friends” thing. He is my best friend at the end of the day and he’s given me 100% undying support over the last 3 years so he will get that from me in return. But anyway, I’m trying not to let it get to me though and focus on the happy, jobs and all that.

This weekend should also be good. Yes I’m advertising again... but Plan 9 are playing in Blues Bar this weekend. It’s their first time at the venue and since the majority of the population of Crosby frequent Blues Bar on a Saturday night – it’s set to be a good one. I actually feature on the poster for the event this time and there’s been a few comments about this so I’d just like to verify – I wasn’t actually 100%  comfortable using myself and it was all discussed with the band before it was posted. It was used simply because the design idea is an eye-catching one and this is an important gig, eyes need to be caught. I also want to say because I make the occasional poster for the group, it doesn’t make me a designer, and I’ve never claimed that. I do because they’re brilliant and they deserve busy gigs, and busy gigs are usually busy because someone’s made the effort to promote it. If any professionals want to jump forward and volunteer then go for it – nothing would make me happier because the only thing I want for is the band’s success and better posters will probably ensure that. Also I miss that hair.

But anyway, I don’t want to finish on a negative note. So, pop down on Saturday to Blues – if you’ve seen Plan 9 before – you know it’s going to be good. And if you haven’t, all the more reason to come and get a taster.

Then the week after that, graduation, and that, I’m very, very excited. Not sure when I'll next blog but if it's after grad - lots of piccies in my gown, and hopefully at least one with Mr Brian May - fuck yeah!

I know I blogged yesterday, and have been blogging all week in fact. But this morning something happened which was the final straw for my vented up anger on a certain matter of the government and public services.

 I’ve cracked my tooth, or done something to my tooth. I don’t know, it started with a Eton Mess dessert and a little raspberry seed getting stuck and ever since when I clench my jaw I envision the game Lemmings because it feels like there’s a fuck load of little Lemmings with their little pick axes knocking away at my tooth and gum. Last night was the final straw for this pain when I realised I couldn’t really eat anything other than soup without feeling intense zaps of pain. So, I set my alarm and got up at the time the dentist opens to phone them for an emergency appointment.

“Our next available emergency appointment is next Thursday.” I get told by this sickly sweet voice down the phone. Thursday? As in 6 days away Thursday? Maybe you don’t comprehend the words ‘emergency’. That usually means attention is required fairly urgently. I pointed this out to her and explained the tooth-pain situation. “Well, I can book you in for Thursday and just avoid eating and drinking until then. That will help prevent pain.”

 Oh ok, that’s fine. I’ll wait 6 days and in that time just starve myself or die of thirst, because that’ll probably be less painful than a toothache. I tried to limit my sarcasm with her in case she actually could offer help and she threw me a number for an emergency dental hospital where the wait could be up to 6 hours. (Again they’ve really got this post-haste thing nailed when it comes to emergencies.) Unfortunately however, at 1pm today I start training for my new job so I can’t really be fucking about in a waiting room all day. So I left it.

I’m also pissed at the government because of a letter I got earlier this week. I’ve been on the dole for 5 weeks (yet to see a single penny actually enter my bank). Then the letter came. They’ve assessed my claim, and have decided that with my £200 per month rent, roughly... £50 a month in bills plus you know, that whole business of eating and general survival – that £53 a week is sufficient to live on. Really government? Really? Because it seems to me, that’s my rent. And ... £12 left over for bills. Or food. More likely bills since you, like the dentist, seem to think starvation is quite acceptable. Bastards.

It worries me this whole; public service business. A few years ago upon breaking my neck and being ambulanced in to hospital, I spent 5 hours in a waiting room for them to not even X-Ray me and just prod my neck a bit and diagnose it as a pulled muscle. It was in fact a vertebrae fracture as I found out from my Chiropractor 3 months later when I went to him still suffering neck pain. So all hope for the public health service went out the window two years ago. And this week dentistry and government support and benefits jumped out after it.

The upping of student fees left me screaming furiously at the government because that’s such a stupid ‘solution’. I didn’t realise education was about having money, and don’t you think it’s going to fuck the country over more when banks are dishing out larger student loans, eh? Make it so you need, I don’t know... 3 C’s at A-level to get in to university. Anyone who doesn’t get that, if they’re dedicated enough can resit their A-levels. That will reduce the massive influx of students without bumping the price up. This seems like common sense to me? Education is about learning, not being able to pay for learning.

I have no interest whatsoever in ‘politics’. But honestly, I’m starting to think myself and a handful of my friends who are all quite articulate in such matters could run the country better. That’s not me being cocky, that’s me being realistic. Health, education, and even benefits - I think I could least make a good go of improving the whole system. Given what it is now, truth be told, it wouldn't take that much to improve it.

Vent over. Now, can anyone lend me a pair of pliers? Or some pest killer for these fucking Lemmings.